New Beginnings

I can’t believe that by this time tomorrow I am going to be recuperating from surgery and hopefully walking the halls of my hospital in a circus tent of a hospital gown with my arse hanging out the back and my bra-less “ta-ta’s” tick-tocking across my chest as I make my rounds. That’s a great mental image isn’t it? The image will be much improved when I’m walking the halls after post weight loss plastic surgery in a few years, but we’ll have to wait a bit for that one.

I’ve been keeping myself busy working, but having a lot of trouble concentrating. Erik went through my closet with me yesterday and we sorted clothes out according to size. These are all the “incentive” clothes I’ve bought over the years. Some of the stuff I must have got dirt cheap or something because it was butt ugly lol. We decided to just get rid of those. Included in the WTF pile was the lime green plaid shirt I’m wearing in one of the before pictures on my blog, a pink pair of pants, a pink gingham shirt and winter clothing that was about one size down from where I am now since I’m likely to have outgrown it by the time winter rolls around. I discovered that I have TONS of clothes in the 3x-4x range, a few in the 26-28 range and a handful of clothes in sizes smaller than that. For now, I think I’m just going to tackle the clothing issue when it becomes an issue. I’d rather not spend anymore money on clothing I KNOW I BETTER grow out of (22/24 18/20, etc). Instead, I’d like to continue to check clearance sales and start building up a wardrobe for maintenance which I’m guessing/hoping will put me at around a size 10/12 or 14/16? I can never see myself much smaller than that honestly. It has been fun fantasy shopping though.

Speaking of incentives...someone mentioned that one of the ways they rewarded themselves for weight loss was with a charm bracelet. With a certain number of pounds lost, they would add another charm to the bracelet. I really like this idea because finally being able to WEAR it would be something special since most bracelets will not fit my wrists (even when I was thinner, my huge bone structure often dictated an 8 or 8.5” bracelet). I also liked that it would be something I could wear as a constant reminder of my journey. Every time I thought about reaching for something I shouldn’t eat, it would be there jingling and reminding me of all my hard work. Because I inherited my grandmother and mom’s champagne appetite on a beer budget, I’ve been fantasy shopping at Tiffany’s (when I should hang a left and go to James Avery ;) I have no idea when I will even be able to afford the starter bracelet, but whenever that is, I’d like to have it inscribed with the phrase “Love Yourself” because that is what this journey should be about…loving and valuing myself enough to get healthy and LIVE my life!

I realize this surgery isn’t going to cure anything. I still have a long road ahead of me and lots of hard work to do, but I really feel like I’m finally on the road to a healthier me. It is exciting and terrifying all at the same time because I’ve spent SO LONG in this body, I’m not sure what to expect once the chains come off. Thanks to everyone who has read my blog and supported me in so many ways over the last year and a half. I really believe that blogging has helped me get off the 46 lbs I've lost since starting this blog (I'm at 419 as of today). In the past, I would probably have gained another 30-40 lbs during that same time period so at the very least, you guys have kept me focused enough to avoid that and I thank you.

With all that said, here’s to new beginnings xx