FINALLY!

I've been trying all week to post, but I had so much to update, I was only getting it done in fits and spurts. In a nutshell, I've seen the cardiologist, had an echocardiogram, and had my psych appointment. I also had a horrible cold for over a week that kept me from blogging as I still had to work and was just wiped out from not sleeping. I will update more on some of the above stuff when I can this week, but I wanted to get something done this morning.

I have been eating ok. A few slips here and there, but overall, doing ok. I've been walking on the treadmill sporadically, but in the last few days more routinely. I'm up to about 6 minutes at a time and have managed to get two walks in a day. I'd like to get up to 3 and then start to increase my minutes.

I also got up at 5AM this morning to go to the pool. Here was my workout there. Keep in mind this was all done in the pool:

50 jumping jacks
15 minutes running
100 stairs on each leg (by the time I stand on the stair in the pool, half my body is out of the pool. I felt it in my legs, but honestly, I really felt it in my back. My core strength is just as bad as my strength in my arms and legs)
50 leg raises to the side on each leg
100 tip toe raises

I want to try to do some upper body later today. I'm probably going to do the push up workout I used to do only against the wall. I just don't have the strength to haul myself up off the floor yet. I made the mistake of getting on the floor over the weekend to work on my computer (I put in new memory..am I a bad ass or what?). I spent about 20 minutes on the floor trying to make a mess of the spaghetti of wires under my desk and when it was time to get off the floor, I realized I was in a pickle. It wasn't so much my strength, but my knees. I either had to kneel on one knee and use my hands on the other to get up (you try putting 440 lbs of pressure on one on one of your knees and see how it feels) OR grab my desk and use some upper body strength to pull myself up. The problem with the ladder was that for the time it took me to pull myself off the floor, my knees were going to have to still support most of my weight as I hauled myself up. I literally sat there for about 10 minutes brainstorming how I was going to get off the floor without calling Erik in to help. I honestly don't know how I managed to get up without causing my knees to blow out, but it was difficult enough that I am not going to risk getting stuck again anytime soon!

Does anyone have any ideas for how I can start strengthening my lower back and abdominal muscles? They can be pool exercises (keeping your balance in the pool works your core strength as well) or out of the water exercises, but nothing where I have to get down on the ground obviously. I've wondered if I could try to do crunches in bed lol, but I dont think it is firm enough.

Ok, have to get the tanman off to school. I may update more later. If you want to track my food and exercise, visit me here.

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A quickie

Hey all, I'm sorry I haven't been on, but I ended up getting sick Friday. I just have a cold, but my throat is killing me and I'm not sleeping so I'm grumpy lol. I'll write a more in depth account of the endoscopy, but wanted to let you all know that I'm fine. I don't remember a thing about the endoscopy apart from what a hottie the anesthesiologist was!

I hope to update more when I'm feeling more myself. Hopefully that will be very soon!

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Say Ahhhhhh!

Yep, tomorrow is the upper endoscopy. I have to be there at 6:00AM *super suckage!* The procedure isn't until 8:00PM, but of course it isn't a hospital if they can't inconvenience you in some way right? Guess I'll take a book with me. Too bad I don't have a smart phone. I might be able to keep you updated on the progress...oh well, don't be too disappointed, it isn't likely to be that entertaining although Erik is threatening to video me on the way home. I told him I was going to re-enact this for him. It should be entertaining!

I'm a little apprehensive, but trying not to think about it too much. It has to be done right? I am looking forward to having an excuse to be completely lazy tomorrow....believe me, I'm going to milk it for all it's worth, but don't tell Erik shhhh.

Today went fairly well. I got one 6 minute walk in. I wanted to get another one in and I may still. I have to work for another 45 minutes and then have an interview for a third job so I may try to hop on the treadmill one more time. Eating went well today. Remember, if you want to keep up on what I'm eating, you can visit my sparkpeople log here. Stayed on track there too. I'm slowly adjusting to the limited food intake. I think next week I'm going to substitute one of my meals with a shake. I'm thinking breakfast might be best as I'm usually not that hungry in the morning.

Alrighty, I'm going to keep it short tonight so that I can finish up this other stuff and get some sleep. If I'm up to it, I'll try to post an update tomorrow.

Take care!!

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I know what you're thinking...

She didn't post yesterday so her portly behind must have fell off the wagon right?? HA! not hardly!! Let's just say that I was so busy WALKING ON MY TREADMILL that I didn't have time to post. Ok, so I only managed two 5 minute sessions and that is hardly an excuse for not posting so I'll try to make up for it today.

So, an update on yesterday: I ate some wheat chex for breakfast (normal sized portion), skipped lunch (I know that isn't great, but I walked on the treadmill and then took a shower on my lunch break), I had a banana for a snack around 4:30PM and then Tanner and I had salads and some broccoli for dinner. So I even managed to stay on my diet woot!

Tanner has shocked me the last two days! On Sunday, he went to a hockey game with his Big Brother (not actual big brother...the mentor kind of big brother). He actually had a hotdog at the game so wasn't going to eat dinner. I made a salad for myself and he surprised me by asking me to make one for him! I'm not going to argue with the kid when he willingly requests something green that's for sure! The salad probably sounds gross, but honestly it is surprisingly tasty. It is kind of a taco kin of salad without all the bad stuff. I used a combination of spinach and iceberg lettuce, a scoop of cottage cheese, some salsa, a bit of light ranch dressing and a tiny sprinkling of shredded cheddar. Normally I would have added some lean ground taco meat, but we were out. Mix it all up, and it makes for a really good salad. I managed to convince Tanner that the cottage cheese was egg I'd cut up for the salad! (score one for parental deception!) I texted Erik, who was at work "OMG, I just made a salad containing spinach, cottage cheese, and salsa and Tanner is eating the HELL out of it!" Erik said it came through as two texts so he thought something was wrong when his phone kept going off. Although he's not supposed to check his phone while "on the floor" at work, he peeked because he was worried there was something wrong...he said he laughed when he saw the text and said "Well, I guess Tanner eating healthy is newsworthy!"

Last night, he wanted McDonalds, but when I told him we weren't going to McDonalds, he chose a hot dog and was begging me for tator tots. I told him Mommy wasn't making anything that mommy liked and couldn't eat. He wasn't thrilled with that response, but accepted it, then I realized we didn't have any hot dogs :( I told Tanner and he said "Well, can you make me that salad again?" *mom pinches herself to make sure she isn't dreaming...nope..not dreaming* So, I made the same salad for the both of us and some broccoli and cheese (low fat...about 1g of fat per serving). He didn't even ask for dessert...seriously...something is up.

Ok, I plan on walking on my breaks and may even try to do 6 minutes. I try not to use the hand rails too much while walking. I keep them lightly hovering over the bars though and as my back starts to ache, I use them more for support. I try to use them as little as possible because I know that I NEED some of that ache because it means my muscles are getting a workout. If my knee starts to hurt, I use them to support enough of my weight when I step with that leg so that it doesn't hurt as bad and that seems to be helping.

I don't know if it is that I've built up a tiny bit of strength already, but walking off the treadmill seems easier. You wouldn't think that a handful of sessions on the treadmill would start to make a difference, but I honestly don't think it is in my head.

I also called the gym yesterday and talked with Darin about starting back. I'm going to have to be there by 5:30 in the morning so I'm going to adjust my work schedule so that I can get to bed at a decent hour. I may try to do the pool three times a week and just keep doing the treadmill at home.

So far, in my preparation for surgery, I also managed to get my cardio appt scheduled for next Thursday, my psych appt for next Monday and my upper endoscopy for this Thursday. Expect to hear lots of moaning about that tomorrow. I have never had an endoscopy and I'm not looking forward to it. Apparently it is something they do pre-surgery now to make sure there aren't any anomalies with my esophagus or stomach. If I was going to be awake for it and could actually watch, I think I might be a bit more stoked, but they are going to give me something to knock me out or at least put me in a twilight sleep so booo! Maybe, I'll get a cool picture of my innards that I can upload to the blog. Stay tuned!

Once I finish all these appointments, all that is left is the weight loss. I've weighed myself a few times since I started dieting Saturday. I've lost a couple pounds. Just FYI, when I weighed in at the doctor's office, he had me around 446 and I think that is what I weighed on my scale when I got home. Yesterday, when I weighed, I was down to 444 and some change. My goal is to get under 400 lbs before the surgery and be up to 15 minutes at a time on the treadmill at least once a day. They may be somewhat lofty goals, but not completely unreasonable; especially since two weeks prior I have to be on the super starvation fast. If all goes well people, I hope to schedule the surgery for early March...I can't believe I'm actually going through with this!

2:20PM: ETA I've figured out how to link to my sparkpeople food log ya'll! I'll include this as a link at the end of my posts, but you should be able to access it and see what I'm eating throughout the day. Way too much sugar and caffeine this morning lol. I need to have Erik pick up some more splenda. And WOW, had no idea there were so many more calories in the flavored creamers!

What I ate today

The Healthiest Binge ever

You may be asking yourself "Self, what does this picture have to do with weight loss?" The answer to that question would be, "absolutely nothing, but it makes you smile doesn't it?" This is a pic of the Tanman when he was about two or three. It is one of my favorites for obvious reasons. When he was this age, we would often let Tanner dress himself. We'd get the basics on him, but he could accessorize however he wanted. Sometimes I didn't even realize how crazy he looked because by that time, I had been desensitized to his unique "flair" for accessorizing. Of course we'd get out in public and then it would dawn on me how the rest of the world would see him lol. Thats what happened here. My mom and I were taking him to the park and I looked back to make sure he was following and saw him as everyone else was going to see him and had to snap a pic for posterity. Too funny.
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I thought I had updated my blog last night, but I guess I must have typed it all up and got sidetracked or it didn't post and I thought it had. Anyway, I did end up having a binge of sorts. After the soup, banana and muffin, I ended up having another muffin after I got off work waiting for dinner to be ready, then had a taco salad (basically iceberg lettuce with a bit of spinach, the lean ground taco meat, along with a bit of salsa and about a tblsp of the light ranch). THEN, a little bit after dinner, I had ANOTHER muffin (you should try that recipe lol, they are about 181 calories and 3.5 grams of fat) and a skinny cow ice cream bar. I know...I was shoveling it in guys BUT, I still managed to stay under 1000 calories because I made better choices and you know what? I'm not beating myself up for it.

I realized that I am definitely going to have to move a bit slower on the pre op diet or the next binge may not be so healthy. Also, the binging behavior needs to be nipped in the bud because even if it was all healthy choices, the behavior itself is unhealthy. I've decided that I'm going to have a shake for breakfast and lunch, but if I'm REALLY hungry, I'm going to allow myself to have some protein rich food with each meal, but try to stay away from snacking in between meals. They really stressed keeping it to three meals a day. I think this is because with the sleeve, many people can actually not lose weight or gain weight back once they've had the op because they graze all day. They may have a stomach that restricts their food intake, but if they eat all day long, they can manage to eat what they used to eat and not lose or gain it all back.

I'm also going to increase my water intake. Yesterday I didn't have one single solitary sip of water. I know! I've broken the cardinal rule of dieting. I can't even tell you why...I guess because I was drinking those shakes (I did add extra water to them in hopes of increasing the volume and thereby decreasing hunger....FAIL).

So, in summation, here's the plan for today:

1. Stick to shakes for breakfast and lunch, but feel free to have fruit, veggies, yogurt, an egg, cottage cheese etc. if I'm REALLY hungry.

2. Continue to log everything I eat so I'm aware of my intake.

3. Get on the treadmill for at least 5 minutes. (I didn't manage more time yesterday..my knee was really bothering me by the end of the night :S It feels better this morning so I'm going to get at least 5 in on my first break and we'll see how I do)

4. Pull a task from my jar (I'll let you guys know what it is later).

11:58AM:

That was breakfast. Not bad and I feel SO much better than I did yesterday! I didn't get on the treadmill, but that was because I ran out of time by the time I went downstairs, got everything together and got back upstairs my timer was already going off so it looks like I'll get it in at lunchtime for sure!

On a side note: Poor tanner is nursing his first broken heart poor thing :( He thinks he is going to die alone and childless at 14. Girls are mean! ;)

3:45PM

Here's what I had for lunch...not bad and still feeling much better than I did yesterday



I am planning on calling the fitness center tomorrow to see when they are open. I think the only time I'm going to have available to get to the pool is at the crack ass of dawn because I have to be back home by 7am to get tanner up and off to school. It is probably better that I get it done though because usually by the end of the day, my knees have had it.

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What? No, I couldn't possibly eat another thing! I've had 15g of protein for breakfast!

1:19PM CST:
Holy lord a mighty…just did 5 minutes on the treadmill and it felt like 5 hours. Going to attempt another 5 on my lunch hour and another 5 before bed. My knee really bothered me most of the “walk,” but seemed to feel a bit better towards the end for some reason? Here’s hoping I can manage more later.

I also had a fruity little protein meal replacement shake for breakfast and let me tell ya…the satiety center of my brain apparently doesn’t register protein because I am STARVING at the moment and chanting “Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!” Erik made chocolate muffins for breakfast this morning too :P I had a tiny nibble just to see what they tasted like because we were trying a new “recipe” where you mix a boxed cake mix with a can of pureed pumpkin. It was honestly amazingly tasty and lower in fat and higher in fiber because of the pumpkin. What Tanner doesn’t know won’t kill him.

Speaking of…this past week I have been HORRIBLE when it comes to eating. For various reasons, we ordered pizza two or three times this week and Thursday, we ordered from Dominoes because I just wanted a sandwich. Tanner saw one of those pasta bread bowls and wanted the three cheese thing. I knew it was probably heart attack on a plate, but figured we were going to be cutting way back with me fasting and went ahead and let him have it. Yesterday I tried to find out nutritional information on the thing and was unfortunately NOT surprised to see that it has 1460 calories. Apparently it is considered two servings, but of course Tanner and I weren’t aware of that. Anyway, I can’t find a fat content to save my life, but I’m sure there is a reason for that. I don’t think I want to know. He will definitely NOT be ordering this again diet or no. And yeah, go ahead and sign me up for mother of the year please.

As for blog entries, I think what I’m going to start doing (she proclaims with every intention of following through) is updating the same post throughout the day as I exercise, etc. I’ll probably have something more to say, but I will at least do this just to keep me focused. Kind of like facebook updates only they will be HERE. Actually, I’m kind of thinking it might be something along the lines of what I did Christmas day…that was fun right?

For now, I have to get back to work so I’ll post in a bit when I get my next 5 minute trek on the treadmill completed!

2:39PM

Raced downstairs to make my lunchtime shake and completely missed seeing the flowers Erik bought for me on the kitchen Island. Stargazer lilies again, LOVE the smell!

I was so focused on making that shake and by the time I poured it in the glass, it was mostly bubbly foam. You could literally lift up the glass and it felt empty lol. Oh well "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels, Nothing tastes as good as thin feels, Nothing tastes as good as a hot fudge sundae with nuts and whipped..oops lost myself there"

3:08:

Ok, so I had a shake about an hour ago and I am ravenous at the moment. WTH? I know my stomach has to shrink, but the HMR shakes I use to drink filled me up more than this! I think the next couple of days are going to be grumpy days at the V's!

4:12PM CST

Ok to heck with what the doctor said...I'M HUNGRY! Seriously, each shake has 110 calories and I'm supposed to have one for breakast, one for lunch and then a small dinner (1 portion of protein the size of a deck of cards and a CD sized serving of veggies). I am going to have to work my way down to that boys and girls because I won't last the day and if Erik hadn't been here, I probably would have ate much more than I did. For the record, this is what i just had to eat:

1 banana
1 of the muffins we made this morning. I'll figure out the counts in a bit.
1 can of healthy request chicken and rice soup.

We are having taco salads for dinner so I should stay WELL under 1000 calories for the day.

I wasn't able to get another 5 minutes in. Erik is worried about my knee. If I can't get another 5 in later tonight, then I"m going to do some of the exercises my PT gave me to strengthen my knees.

Saw my surgeon today

I was too lazy to look for a picture to go with this post, so I thought I'd post the one above. Since Erik has started working two jobs, I've taken back a lot of the Tanner duty and realized that Erik was pretty much spoiling this kid rotten. We only have at least 4 good years left with this kiddo (who am I kidding? he's probably going to live with us until he's old enough to change OUR diapers), so I've been "encouraging" him (tanner) to take on more responsibility around the house. Sometimes (not often) he is surprisingly agreeable in helping out around the house. Other times, it is literally like pulling teeth to get him to do the smallest thing. Last night, his chore (yes, singular...we are starting off small) was to empty the dishwasher. It wasn't very full to begin with, but Tanner wanted to go play his new video game. When he saw that full refusal wasn't going to work, he started bargaining with me:

Tanner: "What about if I do the top and daddy does the bottom?"
Me: "How about if you do the top AND the bottom?"
Tanner: "Moooooom! Why do you always FORCE ME?"
Me: "Because I enjoy it and you won't do it willingly...quit complaining and just do it"
Tanner: "When I get my own apartment I never going to do the dishes!"
Me: "ok, well as long as you never ask me over for dinner, that will be fine"
*lots of banging and loud cabinet closing in the background*

He finally finishes and comes back to the living room with a scowl on his face. I mimic his scowl and soon have him laughing in spite of himself. Of course I didn't go check his work and later today Erik said

"Did Tanner empty the dishwasher last night?"
Me: "yeah, why?"
Erik: "Go take a look at the utensil drawer"

I just burst out laughing and grabbed my camera. I don't know why, but the picture cracks me up even more. Hopefully you guys see the humor in it as well.

I also wanted to add...I will still be talking about Erik and Tanner, but I just won't be discussing tgt (those of you who have been following me will know what that means) or intimate details about Tanner's challenges. I haven't gotten around to cleansing the blog of all references to tgt or the blogs detailing some of our challenges with Tanner's most recent school placement, etc, but hope to finish it up before my surgery.

So, for those of you who like hearing about our family shenanigans, fear not...I'll be sharing more on them from time to time. Ok, now on to the good stuff!

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Hi again. I saw the surgeon today and it went pretty well. I had a minor heart attack at the outset because I misunderstood what they said about my insurance benefits and I thought that they were telling me that my insurance wasn’t going to pay for the sleeve gastrectomy. If you’ll recall, this is what stalled my last efforts to get bariatric surgery. Turns out that it looks like they will approve it. Now I’m just hoping that they won’t make me go through the 6 months of nutritional counseling again.

I don’t know what the deal was, but my knees were KILLING me today! I think it was God’s way of reminding me that backing out of this is absolutely not an option anymore. They had to do another EKG which is always fun because they make you get naked from the waist up. Again, I think God thought that if the knees didn’t do the trick, then making me don another superman cape braless would cinch the deal. Luckily, these capes were super sized so they actually did help cover up my most private parts. Usually, my primary care doc insists on forcing me to wear one of his superman capes…you know…the kind that were made for women under 30 who are still a size 8 and have lovely perky breasts that stay easily hidden under the paper fabric. On me, the same capes look like I drug my ugly poncho from the first grade out of the closet and tried it on. It may have hung to my waist in first grade, but now I’m lucky if it covers just past the shoulders which leaves my poor yo-yo-dieted, child-havin’, 40-year-old ta-tas swingin’ in the breeze. Trust me, it is NOT a good look.

Let me tell ya, the adhesive on those electrode thingys was EFFECTIVE. Those electrodes weren’t going ANYWHERE! As a matter of fact, as she started to remove them, I asked her if she could maybe attach a few to my upper lip and eyebrows and save me a trip to the salon for a wax…seriously, I don’t think I’ll be growing hair in those little patches for quite some time!

I finally got to see my doctor and we kind of went back over my history. I really like him, he’s matter of fact, doesn’t pull any punches, but is compassionate as well. He told me that he thinks the sleeve is completely doable laparoscopically, but he wants me to have a few more tests (upper endoscopy, cardio, psych eval, fitness appointment) and lose at least 35 lbs beforehand. I can probably do all of this over the next month if I really hunker down and focus on this. I got some meal replacement stuff from them and will basically be following the diet they normally ask people to do two weeks before surgery. I’ll have a shake for breakfast and lunch and then a light dinner (consisting of a protein source and non carb veggies). I’m also going to continue doing my 5 minute walks three times a day and try to work myself up to at least 15 minutes before surgery.

One good thing I discovered is that while the bariatric center closed down, they still have the fitness center there. It is only about $15.00 a month, so I’m going to contact the fitness coordinator about going back. I think getting back in the pool will help me get some strength back without overtaxing my bones and joints. As I get some weight off, it should start getting easier.

My own personal goal is to have 50 lbs off by surgery. That will get me under 400 lbs and should give my doctor plenty of room to work when he goes in to work his magic.

I won’t lie…I’m nervous. I’m not really scared of the life changes I’ll be forced to make when 60% of my stomach is removed or the pain I might experience. I’m scared to death that I’m going to die on the operating table and leave Tanner to cope with not having me here anymore. He’s already been through so much and I’ve watched him mourn my mom. It breaks my heart to imagine him mourning me.

What I keep trying to focus on is that if I DON’T have this surgery, it is just as likely that I’m going to die of some obesity-related problem in the next few years. So, it is either bite the bullet and take my chances now with the likelihood of being able to have many many more years with Tanner or not having the surgery and dying anyway in the next few years. I think I’ll take my chances.