My Progress!

Saturday, August 13, 2011

New Job, New Joys, New Challenges



Picture above taken this past Thursday at my new work. The mustaches were worn to surprise our trainer. Long story, but she's AMAZING and it was her birthday so we all wore her favorite color (pink) and wore the mustaches. Can't say this is very flattering, but I thought you guys might enjoy it.

First, I want to apologize to anyone who might have been worried about me. There are numerous reasons why I haven’t been posting. Some are good and some…not so good. Some of the things I will share with you and some will go with me to my grave lol…unless I ever get around to writing that book.

For the most part, things have been good. I am still hovering around 285 which is annoying the crap out of me, but I’m hoping to get back into my work out routine and hope to start seeing results. I have a vacation coming up in October (going to Florida for the Straight Spouse Network annual gathering..my first and I can’t wait). I’m going to stay focused on that and just challenge myself to try to have at least another 20 lbs off by the time I go.

Some of the good stuff: I have a new job! I got a job with a major online university and just finished my third week of training. I absolutely am LOVING it! I’m a bit nervous about starting for real on Monday, but I’m sure I can do this. I’ll be working as an enrollment advisor and handle the masters and PhD programs for most of their psychology/human services degrees. It was a substantial raise for me so making more money is sure going to be nice.

Because of the new job, Erik had to move back in. It was just too hard to figure out how we were going to juggle tanner with me working outside the home. We are considering moving, but at the moment, I’m still trying to catch up financially so may put this off a while.

Some other good things…I think I’ve managed to get over my fear of straight men. This could be a good or a bad thing depending on your perspective though lol. I’ve been dating quite a bit, had some interesting experiences, did a few things I thought I’d never do, but have no regrets so far. At the moment, I have a few people I’m dating somewhat regularly, but only one that I would really probably drop everything for. I just figured out some time after my last blog post that I just didn’t want to be tied down. I can’t explain it because I was always a one man woman, couldn’t see myself dating numerous people at one time, etc. Now, the thought of getting involved with just one person just makes me feel claustrophobic…like I can’t get air or something. So far, the guys I’m dating don’t have a problem with me seeing other people so it is working for now and honestly…I’m LOVING it lol.

Of course, the guy I think I could eventually convince me into an exclusive relationship at some point is the one that is the most unavailable. He is involved with a church here in SA and is pretty busy. Most of the time he is available, I’m working and vice versa. We had been chatting for several months, probably since January…off and on, very superficial because of how busy he was and I honestly thought he was just interested in friendship so no big deal. I joked about how I was eventually going to get him out and about socially, but usually anytime I tried to get him to go out, he had an event or something. We’d stop communicating and then a few weeks to a month later I’d hear from him again. Anyway, he contacted me several weeks ago just to see how I was doing and we started talking a bit more. I gave him my number again and after 2-3 days of virtually non-stop texting we decided to meet. All I can say is there is this mad, crazy chemistry with this guy on every possible level. He’s brilliant of course, has a lot of varied interests, eclectic in many ways, great taste in music and an amazing sense of humor that just plays naturally off mine. I just don’t know where its going to go. We had long text conversations about the chemistry and about the fact that his schedule wasn’t going to change and that meant it probably wasn’t going to be good for a serious sort of relationship, but neither one of us is really interested in anything too serious for the time being. We ultimately decided that we would continue to see each other when he was available and see where things went. I can continue to date others and he can too.

The night we met face to face we talked about our “pickers;” you know, the inner compass that leads you to individuals for romantic purposes? He mentioned that his counselor had told him he needed to not date for at least a year post divorce (he’s about midway through) because his picker was off. I asked him who he tended to pick and he said “girls that need to be rescued.” Now some of you might say his picker is still off lol, but I don’t think so. I can rescue myself and I have time and time again over the last several years. So, I told him that I didn’t fall into that category, that if I ever needed rescuing, I’d take care of it myself. Of course, he then asked me what was wrong with my picker. I had already told him about Erik because, being a youth minister, etc I wasn’t sure how he would take it all. I told him that I had a habit of picking gay men. His response was interesting; he said “Well, I can assure you I’m not gay, BUT I am fairly unavailable to you in other ways…you may need to think about that.” And he’s right…why is the guy who is most unavailable the one that is driving me crazy because I can’t get him out of my head? Why do we (I) chase the ones that keep us at a distance?

I’m going to start back with a counselor, so hopefully I can figure some of this out. Another guy I see now and then is another writer. He’s written one book and was working on another when his computer was stolen this week :(. He had talked about sending me what he’d written to review, but didn’t get around to doing it…I’m heart sick for him. I couldn’t imagine working that hard on something and then losing it. He is retired military and worked intel doing some kind of linguistics something or other for them, so yeah he’s pretty brilliant as well. I met him through some of the meetup stuff I go to and we have a ton of things in common. He has an autistic son about Tanner’s age and was a punker in high school as well so we have fun reminiscing about all the great music we loved as kids.

Another new friend is a real sweetheart. Has a 10 year old daughter that he dotes on, so I love that he enjoys his role as a dad so much. I’ve only been talking to him for a few weeks, but we can literally talk for hours on end without ever repeating ourselves. He works IT, but as I get to know him, I suspect he is one of those people that soaks up knowledge. We went to play pool the other night and he was explaining the physics of the game; like how to hit the ball where to get a certain kind of spin and why you needed to chalk your cue, the momentum of the ball, etc. Now that would probably bore the hell out of most people, but I EAT THAT SHIT UP! I know, I’m kind of weird that way, but when a guy starts getting all cerebral on me, my knees go weak, my heart melts, etc. Out of all the guys I’m dating, this one is probably the one I should invest more time in. He’s very attentive and thoughtful, hilarious too! Guess we’ll see where it goes.

Amid the semi-steadies, I’ve been out with several others. I was getting so many younger men, I finally figured “what the hell” and went out with a few of them. The youngest was 27 lol…is that nuts or what? He was really sweet, but I just could NOT get past the age thing. Another was 29 and super smart (had a degree in cultural anthropology and lost ME in conversation about what he studied lol) so I thought maybe that would offset the age difference…at least enough to have some fun with him. Nope…the immaturity was still there and I just couldn’t get past it. The only problem with him is I can’t seem to shake him loose! He isn’t stalking me, but he continues to contact me on a semi-regular basis. Another was 30 and finishing up his masters…he was total eye candy ya’ll; 6’5” and absolutely adorable. I still don’t get why he contacted me lol. Anyway, he was from Mexico so he had a pretty hot accent as well. We went out and had a great time, but it just kind of fizzled out eventually. It was fun though :)

Ultimately I decided that I don’t think I can go much below 35 when it comes to age. I’ll never say “never,” but I went out with enough younger men to realize that I’m just not into it.

Now on to some of the not so good stuff. The drinking. Yeah I’m still struggling with this guys. I’m not drinking every day, but I definitely have a problem when I start drinking. If I stop myself after a few glasses, I’m fine, but that usually doesn’t happen. I never used to understand why erik would drink and drink and drink until everything was gone. It used to drive me crazy. Now, I’m struggling with the same thing and …time for brutal honesty here…I’ve had a few nights where I didn’t really remember what happened beyond a certain point. I will get back on my computer to see chats with friends I didn’t know I had or on my phone, etc. That is kind of freaking me out. So yeah, I’ll be discussing this with my counselor as well. I am hoping now that I’m through the training for my new job, I’ll be able to exercise and that will help deal with some of the stress and anxiety. I know when I’m working out, I just don’t drink as much if at all.

Well, this is now 3 pages long so I’ll stop for now. I will do my best to post more. I have been meaning too, but there has just been so much going on, it overwhelmed me to think about getting on and updating you guys.

I hope all my bloggy friends are doing well. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

35 Comments:

Christine said...

just a thought...maybe you shouldn't drink. It's not necessary and it sounds like you may have an addictive personality. That's not a professional diagnosis...just a guesstimate. Like a lot of my skinny friends can stop eating...but with my trigger foods I eat till it's gone. I know some people transfer addictions. but going from overeating to drinking may be lilke going from pot to coke. Hope you can figure it out. Other than that It sounds like that youth minister is emotionally healthy. I like him. Sounds like a good guy. Hope things work out for you.

Anonymous said...

Sweetie, you're experiencing blackouts. I agree with the previous commenter, time to put down altogether. Consider AA. You're early in the disease (of alcoholism) it will be easier to arrest at this stage. Don't wait until you've lost everything. I know I'm sounding pretty dramatic, but believe me when I tell you, you're playing with fire.

Agnes mumbi said...

The image in the post is so funny... but the story is too good.. I like it very much..

Kat said...

Glad to see you're blogging again! You look fantastic in that photo! Keep it up!

I agree with the other responses - cut out the drinks entirely. It's unnecessary, and you've already proven you can cut out overindulging, you just have to do it again. Life is on track for you right now, and this habit will just serve to jeopardize all that you've worked so hard for.

Veronica said...

Great blog! Its very inspiring and I hope to become an avid reader :)

Shaun said...

hi.. I found ur blog with in google surfing.. awesome work on this blog.. I like it..

hgh pills said...

New Job, New Joys, New Challenges is good title for this article.Done great work!

Anonymous said...

I think he may be unavailable to you because of your obesity.

My Big Fat Super Super Obese Blog said...

Anonymous...while you could be correct, all I can say is he has a funny way of showing it. anytime we've been together, he seems to be as attracted to me as I am to him. Despite this, we've decided on friendship for now for a number of reasons, but I'm just getting that he just hasn't worked through his divorce yet. We now have another issue that kind of involves a conflict of interest of sorts so anything more than a friendship is pretty much off the table for the immediate future anyway. I'm still pretty crazy about him, but it is what it is.

I'm still dating though and most recently talking to AA new sweetie I'll be flogging about soon. Stay tuned

Anonymous said...

hi im missing u too . hoping to hear from u soon

Hgh pills said...

"Change My Life" is a small book in my prayers and blessings interfaith. Nondenominational prayer is an important thing that can be shared with everyone. I hope these prayers will help you through difficult times and challenges of life.

Anonymous said...

Hope you're okay; it's been a long time!

T. said...

Hey there... I was banded 5 years ago - drinking started shortly after the weight loss started. It's called transference. You over eating was an outlet for you emotionally to deal with pain you have. You cut that outlet off. Drinking has become a new outlet.

I call it stimulus seeking... and numbing... in myself.

I disagree - you are not an alcoholic honey. Yet. But you will be if you don't get a handle on why you need anything to excess... and it's emotional. Giddy up Mama! You've still got some work to do!

(Btw - hyper sexuality is an outlet too... did I mention been there done that? Wanna chat offline?)

jannet watson said...

magical spells really work!! I never thought there were still honest, genuine, trustworthy and very powerful spell casters until i met the spiritual helper, MERUJA OWO. last week he did a love spell for me and it worked effectively and now he just casted another healing spell for my friend who has fibroid and family problem and now she is totally free and she is presently the happiest person on earth, she keeps thanking me all day..
I just thought it would be good to tell the whole world about his good work and how genuine he is, i wasn't thinking i could get any help because of my past experiences with other fake casters who could not bring my husband back to me and they all promised heaven and earth and all they are able to do is ask for more money all the time until i met with this man. he does all spells, Love spells, money spells, lottery spells e.t.c i wish i can save every one who is in those casters trap right now because i went though hell thinking and hoping they could help me.i recommend MERUJA OWO for any kind of help you want.
his email address is: oduakar1@live.com
if you want to ask me anything my e-mail is: jannet_madeson@yahoo.com
Kind Regards,

Penis enlargement pills said...

The earth quake rattled and shook buildings, sending goods eroding from shelves and driving fearful Christmas customers to leave into the streets.

Anonymous said...

talk to us we missing you let us hear from u please

Anonymous said...

I miss your posts, hope you're doing okay.

Plenty Vaporizer said...

So much of my viewpoint will depend on the tasks I have and the issues I am having difficulties to fix within them.

Hoodia Gordonii said...

Have a good time there.

Dominique said...

Wow, you look great! It's been a while since I checked your blog, or mine! Time to get back to weight loss work again for me! Hope you are well!

Anonymous said...

How are you doing Michelle? It's been a long time and your readers miss you!

Dominique said...

Hey, I've tagged you on my blog! Hope you don't mind!

how to get rid of algae said...

There are numerous reasons why I haven’t been posting

Ron from NJ said...

I'm just wondering how many of them are excuses and how many of them are real reasons. I would assume that you are a more responsible adult than I am so there are more real reasons than excuses...unlike me.

Oh wait...I have restarted posting.

;-) I am sure there are others who miss you as much as I.

stretch marks removal said...

First, I want to apologize to anyone who might have been worried about me. There are numerous reasons why I haven’t been posting.

Tully said...

Just checking in to see how you're going. Hope everything is good with you. :)

kat said...

I hope you are doing ok! I find your blog so inspirational, and have been following it for the past couple years.

Anonymous said...

Any updates? I'm scheduled for the sleeve surgery in a couple weeks. I hope you're doing well.

-Erica

Anonymous said...

hello hello how are you let us know what your up to ....missing your great blogs :)

Anonymous said...

Hello its been like 8 months now .

how are you ? hoping to see a new blog from you soon.

wondering if your happy and healthy,\

let us know :>)

Anonymous said...

I'm wondering if I could do it but each time I saw success stories in losing weight I became more determined to do it it's only that I don't know how to start.I have heard something about a formula that will give you a gastric bypass effect but no surgery by Roca Labs, is it true?

Anonymous said...

I was also in a weight loss journey like you but I didn't thought of blogging it, but I think it is a really great idea. I'm about 210 lbs when I decided to lose weight, I felt very unattractive then. I tried counting calories but it's not working, I felt really hungry. I tried this mini gastric bypass no-surgery program and believe it or not, it really helped me a lot. I also did my part on avoiding greasy foods like fast foods, junk foods, and soda. ugh. It was hard but it paid off. I'm now 173 lbs, still 15 lbs to go but I'm optimistic! And btw, nice picture!

fabrinichi said...

I would like to declare I am how to lose weight fast just absolutely pleased with the newest knowledge in weight loss how to lose weight fast , this can be absolutely remarkable, could improved while i had frequented LINK. Prefer a thin system phentermine, you should visit which far too.

fortisbariatric said...

hi if you are feeling that you are overweight don't worry about it.diet and do regular exercises

Iphon Hema said...

مكافحة حشرات بالرياض
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالرياض
شركة تسليك مجارى بالرياض
شركة مكافحة الحمام بالدمام
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام