Actual transcript of conversation that occurred between Tanner and I this week:
Tanner: When you get skinny…?
(this has become a regular topic of conversation lately…we enjoy talking about the sort of things we are going to do as I lose weight and get healthier)
Tanner: Can we go on a Bigfoot hunt?
(this, however, is the first time he’s proposed this sort of activity)
Me: Uhh, yeahhhhhh….No. That sounds like the perfect activity for you and your dad though.
(I blame Erik for letting him watch all those crap conspiracy shows, ghost hunter shows, etc. As I write this they are watching Destination Truth. This particular episode is about the Chupacabra, so I suspect he may propose a Chupacabra hunt at some point in the next few days)
Tanner: (waiting for a few moments) Uhh mom?
Me: Yeah sweetie?
Tanner: Why not?
Me: Sigh…because that just isn’t my sort of thing honey, I think Dad would have more fun doing that.
(a few minutes pass by as he sits behind me as I sort out my office)
Tanner: What about if we go hunting aliens?
Me: Nah, I don’t think that’s my cup of tea either.
Tanner: What are you talking about? I thought you liked aliens?
Me: Oh I LOVE aliens, but I’m just not the sort of person to go hunting them down.
(Tanner’s face drops immediately and then in a defeated voice)
Tanner: I can’t believe you mom! I thought you were a science genius! :(
I guess, no matter how awesomely gifted your parents are, we are just destined to disappoint our kids at some point. I did feel bad, but I do have many other things I’m looking forward to as I get this weight off. We’ve talked about going to the county fair, visiting SeaWorld, Fiesta Texas, Disney World. Taking vacations, buying bikes and riding after he gets home from school. Those are just a few of the things we’ve discussed.
I also realized the other day that I am actually enjoying the seasons as they change. It just kind of hit me as I sat there. I was looking forward to Fall, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. It kind of surprised me because I hadn’t realized that, in the last several years, I hadn’t really looked forward to these things. Why? Because, when you are stuck in your house, changing seasons…special seasonal activities…parties, etc. All those things really cease to exist. When you don’t leave your house for weeks at a time, what does it matter if the weather cools off or if the trees start to turn different shades? Who cares if so-and-so is having a cool Halloween party or if the family is getting together for Thanksgiving? Every day is just like the last no matter what time of year it is.
It isn’t that I didn’t KNOW my weight was having this effect on my quality of life, but it just hit me like a ton of bricks how much my perspective has changed since losing some weight. Not only that, but for the first time in a very long time, actually BELIEVING that I’m going to get the rest of it off. It is as if I’ve been living in a beige world for the last 10 years and slowly things are coming into Technicolor focus. As all of this slowly dawned on me, I realized I was smiling. Smiling is good.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I know it has been WAY too long for an update and I apologize. I think about stuff I want to blog about daily, but I’ve just been so busy with work when I finally get a few minutes to just chill, I just want to get away from the computer for a while. I’ve also had some fatigue lately that I think had a little bit to do with the two weeks of crappy rainy weather we had and my body preparing for yet another lovely cycle. I’ll spare you the details this time around, but it is slightly improved. I’m still thinking I may have to call my doctor for more provera just to put an end to it. Frustrating!
I also think some of my fatigue is due to getting back on my blood pressure meds. One day, I forgot to take it until later in the day and I was fine…until I took it and then a few hours later, I started feeling tired again and just overall muscle fatigue. However, I saw the doctor today and my blood pressure was something like 124/84 so I apparently need to be on it for now. I’ve just decided that I’m going to have to get my exercise out of the way first thing in the morning when I’m feeling better.
So, today is actually my 3 month surgiversary and I officially weighed in at 358. I’m down a total of 59 lbs since surgery, a total of 107 lbs since my top weight. I’m going to try to include some recent pictures below, but if you can’t see them, go to my photobucket album. The outfit I’m wearing is one I bought in a smaller size. I couldn’t even get it over my head when I bought it and now it is on the big side. In the profile I’m pulling it closer so that you can see better. I think I’m finally starting to see it :)
And Just to Refresh your Memory: Me Three Months Ago
Speaking of clothes being too big, Erik and I went through my closet and pulled out all the clothes I was wearing pre-surgery and boxed them up. I’m going to put them on craigslist and see if anyone else can use them. I’ve gone down about 2-3 sizes so far, so they had really gotten way too big. It was kind of scary getting rid of them. I know that is just the part of me deep down inside that keeps whispering (how long do you think you can keep this up?) It was because I still hear that voice whispering in my head occasionally that I decided to get rid of my bigger clothes. I don’t want to have those clothes to “fall back on” if that voice starts to get a bit louder so I made the decision to remove them from my closet and life and while it was scary, it was also all kinds of AWESOME! Can I just say that it is pretty awesome to be getting into new clothes? It’s like I get to go shopping in my closet every day…fun stuff!
What else? I did see my doctor today for my 3 month check up, but it was really not that big a deal. I was supposed to get some lab work done, but someone forgot to tell me so we didn’t have a lot to talk about. The doctor I saw was very happy with my weight loss and said that I was doing great. While I was going up to their office, I got on the elevator with another woman who I assumed was probably going to the same office. It was like looking at myself 3 months ago. I could have been imagining it or projecting a bit, but I could almost see the same sort of sad emptiness behind her eyes that I felt visiting their offices pre-surgery. I just wanted to throw my arms around her and give her a huge hug and tell her what an amazing journey she’s about to embark on. I settled for introducing myself and striking up a conversation with her instead. She had done about a year and a half of research and finally decided on this practice. I shared my experience with her and when I ran into her again on my way out, we exchanged phone numbers and emails. I hope I hear from her again.
Ok, almost time for me to work again and I want to spend a little time with Tanner before he heads off to bed. My goal for this month is to blog every single day. I know crazy right? We’ll see how I do…ride my disappearing arse if I go too long without an update!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Note: I was going to try to find a funny little cartoon about going to the gynecologist and made the mistake of image googling "gynecologist" without the porn filter on :P Now I'm a little sick to my stomach. Hope you don't mind the blog sans funny cartoon!
Ok so last week, I spent a lot of time in doctor’s offices. I scheduled an appointment with my gyno’s nurse practitioner and learned that she was also a fellow bariatric patient. She had the RNY, but was interested to hear about the sleeve. I wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to do a pap that day although the medication she prescribed had pretty much stopped the bleeding I was experiencing. I think after talking to me a bit and noticing that it had been five years since my last pap, she figured she better strike while the iron was hot so she sent me off with my superman cape and told me to get nekkid.
I love the things they talk to you about while they are inserting the speculum and basically probing around in your privates: “So what do you do for a living?” “Are you from San Antonio?” “Do you live nearby?” All of these questions you are obligated to answer as if you were merely standing in line at the grocery counter and not spread eagled with lots of equipment and appendages in your hoo-ha. I did my best to answer her questions and when she complimented me on my “nice long cervix” I thanked her and told her that I got compliments on it all the time (I didn’t really, it was one of those things I thought of later and wished I had said). I mean seriously? Later when I told Erik what she had said I made some stupid joke about it being something he could brag to his friends about: “Yeah my wife may weigh a few hundred pounds, but MAN if you could see her cervix you’d understand!”
She seemed to think everything was ok, but wanted me to go for an ultrasound and since I’m 40, she wanted me to get in for a mammogram (BTW blogging buddies, Breast Cancer Awareness Month is coming up in October so go get yourself squished!).
I’ve had the ultrasound (which was SO uncomfortable….they always are…I’ll spare you the details for once) and heard back from my gyno. Apparently my uterine lining (which can build up in people with PCOS and put them at risk for endometrial cancer) was pretty thin so she isn’t sure whether they will need to put in an IUD (the NP had suggested it as a way to keep the lining from building up and I was all for it because it meant NO PERIOD YAY). My doctor was concerned that if we did an IUD it might actually cause break through bleeding since the lining was so thin to begin with. Anyway, we are going to wait and see how the next cycle goes before taking any action.
I have my mammogram this Saturday so fingers crossed there. I’ve had mammograms before so I know what to expect…a perky little cheerleader who is going to have to act as if my mammoth breastages are just as lovely as hers! Oh well, they will be SOME DAY! By the end of this week, I should be fairly thoroughly checked out.
I almost forgot, remember the cyst from hell? Yeah it is still giving me problems so I went in to see a dermatologist this time around. She lanced it and injected some steroids so hopefully it will go away already!
Hmm, what other repulsive medical information can I share with the masses and ensure my single status for the rest of my life? I think that’s about it guys sorry…my well of disgusting factual tidbits has run dry.
On the weight loss front, I am down to 366!! Today I was actually 367, but I think that is because I came back off my blood pressure meds. OH! I forgot to tell you…when I went to the gyno, my blood pressure was up a bit 130/100 :S She advised that I go back on my BP meds which I did for several days, but I felt pretty crappy the days I took it. Very similar to when I had to be hospitalized, but not nearly as bad. I just had NO energy, really tired almost to the point that talking at the end of the day would wear me out. Lately, I’m used to feeling super energized so I stopped them yesterday and I’m going to try to find some time to get into my regular doc to have my BP taken to see if maybe that one time was just a flukey thing.
Because of the lack of energy, I haven’t been getting on the treadmill the last few days, but I HAVE been doing a whole lot more around the house. My mom would die to know how much I am enjoying housework now that I can actually do it again. I think Erik is enjoying it too lol. I’ve also been trying out a lot of new recipes. We had a low carb version of salmon patties last night (I used almond flour instead of breadcrumbs and flour) and they turned out alright. I think I’m going to have to add something (lemon pepper and maybe squeeze a little lemon juice on them afterwards). They were just ok. I also tried this baked cauliflower which turned out fairly horrible. I don’t recommend it :P
As far as weight loss goes, I have posted a projected weight I want to be at for each month and I’m darn close to where I want to be by next Thursday which will be my 3-month mark since surgery. The goal weight is 359. I might be able to do that, but I’m going to have to step up the exercise for sure. Even if I don’t make it, just being this close is pretty awesome. I have figured that if I continue to lose the way I have been, I could be under 300 by the end of the year. We’ll have to wait and see though.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
I have been incredibly busy the last week with work and doctor's appointments. As I type this I am headed out the door to grab some hours at the pool before Erik has to leave for work. I hope to post more about the past week later tonight, but wanted to share a link to my snapfish album where I have all my progress pics up.
Honestly, apart from the face, I'm not seeing much change in the body, but I think it has more to do with the clothes I'm wearing in the pics. I KNOW my body is changing because I've actually moved down into the next size clothes in my closet!! The outfit I am wearing in the pictures from yesterday was one I couldn't even get on a few months ago. The arms were skin tight and I couldn't even button the shirt. I can't tell you how exciting it is to be able to choose some of these outfits...some of which have been sitting in my closet for YEARS, price tags still on 'em, the whole nine yards. I'm also enjoying doing my hair, which you'll notice needs to be cut...I'm planning a day of pampering next Saturday and trying to decide whether I'm going to go lighter (more blond-ish) or stay with my brunette color. I'm thinking lightening it up may help camouflage any hairloss I will probably start to experience in the next few weeks (It notoriously starts around month 3)...but I digress :) I was saying that now, I am starting to enjoy getting dressed up, putting on makeup, doing my hair and just overall taking pride in my appearance again.
Ok, I am currently being stalked by my favorite teenager who has donned his swimming trunks and is literally breathing down my neck because I have yet to put on MY swimming attire. I'll be back later though with more updates on the past week. Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
The past few days have been horrendous! I have to apologize up front for sharing way too much info, but if there are any other PCOSisters who read my blog and are thinking about having this surgery, it might be of some interest to them. Essentially, Aunt Flo came for a visit and she was ROYALLY ticked off! See, apparently she hadn’t been invited for some time on account of the PCOS and all the weight I had gained so she made up for lost time and did some heavy duty done some spring/fall cleaning in my uterus BIG TIME.
For the past four days, I have bled and bled and bled….and bled; like I’ve been hemorrhaging…seriously. If you have had the great misfortune of being within earshot of me, it is all I’ve managed to talk about because it has become an all consuming problem. Every single time I use the bathroom it winds up looking like a murder scene which requires that I get down on my hands and knees and clean like I’ve just taken on a job with Sunshine Cleaners or something. I’ve felt so bad, I haven’t exercised all week and I’ve decided to consider the exercise I’m getting going to and from the bathroom, up and down off the toilet and then later the floor after I clean as my exercise for the week. And for those of you who think that might be stretching the definition of exercise…let me just warn you, this week may not be the week to voice your opinions ok?
Erik just LOVES hearing all about the return of my menstrual cycle; especially because he got to make an emergency pad and tampon run for me yesterday. I don’t know about your husband, but mine just LOVES stocking up on feminine hygiene products for me in his spare time. Here is how our text conversation went:
11:00 AM me: omg erik, you get off early today right?
11:06 AM Erik: 1:20 why?
11:10 AM me: I need you to stop and get me some pads and tampons. I've only been up four hours and I've had to change both four times. This is unreal :P
11:11 AM + Erik: Oye! Text me all the info, size, color, quantity
11:13 AM me: ok lol
11:18 AM Tampons are Playtex gentle glide...whatever they have for the heaviest flow prob super. NO deoderant tampons though. Pads are Always Maximum Protection Maxi With Flexi-Wings. They will probably be in a blueish package with a red colored bar along the bottom, but the pads will be wrapped in a peach colored plastic. Get two boxes/pgs of each
11:30 AM + Erik: Omg! I'll do my best
me: can you grab some pork rinds too? I'm going to try to make eggplant parmesan tonight lol
11:59 AM +Erik: Sure
Of course he came home with the wrong pads AND the wrong tampons. Poor guy, I joked with my aunt that he was going to have to go up to the cashier with pads, tampons and pork rinds. I kidded him about STILL getting the wrong stuff even though I went to all the trouble to tell him exactly what I wanted and he replied “TOUGH! Grab a rag then, guess your ass is going to be living back in the stone age for the rest of the week!” Hehe, no matter how much I bitch about him, he does come through when I really need him doesn’t he?
I’m just assuming that this is my body getting back to “normal” after several months/years of very irregular periods due to my weight. I also know that every pound I lose releases more estrogen into my system and that probably has something to do with it as well. Regardless, I’m booking an appointment with my gynecologist next month just to make sure Aunt Flo is taken care of because I can’t handle her in this mood if she’s going to be making a monthly appearance!
PS. As of today I’m down to 378 :) Guess massive blood loss is worth an ounce or two hmm?
If you aren’t totally grossed out by today’s confessional, here’s a website that might inspire some fun with the kiddies.