Overwhelmed Blogger reporting for duty SIR!

Yes, still smiling :) I apologize, but this first week of school has taken a lot of my concentration, energy and brain power. Chemistry is going to be a challenge for me. I’ve pretty much cracked the books open as soon as I finish work, but in addition to my day job, Im still working between 15-30 hours a week at my other job. Something is going to have to give, because I haven’t even started looking at my sociology work :S

I’m still hovering between 315 and 317, but this week I’m starting P90. Erik and I just watched the first workout and while I think it is definitely going to be a challenge, I think that I can adapt the moves and get a decent workout. When I was doing my boot camp workouts at the gym, I did the most ridiculous adaptations compared to what everyone else in the class was doing, but I left there feeling just as wiped as the rest of them and I was definitely stronger by the end of the three months. I’m probably going to have Erik take some pictures of me, but honestly guys…I don’t know if I’m going to be brave enough to post them here just yet. I’m talking biggest loser style jog bra and biking shorts pics that won’t hide a thing and yeah…I just don’t know that I’m quite that brave.

I’m looking forward to getting started on the workout though. It seems like every time I’ve tried to get going, I’d wind up with an injury or back in the hospital so I’m going to work out as hard as I can, but I’m definitely going to be smart about it so that I can continue. I will do my best to report in as often as I can as well.

This week, I’m going to make a few changes to my diet as well. I’m going to add in a protein shake because if I’m going to be doing more activity, I’m going to need the protein to help build the muscle. I haven’t decided whether the shake will replace a meal or in addition to the meals I eat. I may just see how I feel. To begin with, I think it may be in addition to what I’ve been eating.

I’m also going to cut out the nightly glass of wine I started having. I’ve never been much of a drinker, but in the last few weeks, I got into the habit of having one glass of wine as I was finishing up my work on the night shift. I know one glass of wine isn’t horrible, but I just don’t like having anything in my life at this time that is habitual. I’m also somewhat worried about transference or whatever they call it when a former food addict has surgery and winds up replacing food with alcohol or sex or shopping…whatever fills that void. Apart from worrying about the psychological implications of a new behavior, I am beginning to wonder if that one glass of wine is causing my weight loss to slow down. I guess we will see what happens when I stop it.

On the social scene, I’m continuing to get out and about whenever I can. I went to a wine social Friday with one of the meetup groups I joined and it was fun. There really is such an amazing group of people that go to these things. I found myself at one point in a conversation with an FBI agent and a former race car driver; really fascinating and interesting people. Despite this, I found myself mid-evening questioning whether I was really enjoying myself. I enjoyed getting dressed up and out of the house for sure, but I think I’d enjoy more outings like the dinners, etc where you can interact more. This honestly felt more like going to a club. The music was loud, people were standing everywhere, you really couldn’t carry on a conversation, etc. I mean, what is the point of having all these interesting people to talk to if you can’t hear each other over the music right? I was never really much into clubbing as a younger adult (I was typically the den mother/designated driver) and I guess not much has changed in the last 20 years. I am, however dying to go to this lecture tomorrow, but I just don’t know if I’m going to make it. Erik has to work and I think Tanner would be bored stiff. Well part of me thinks he might actually enjoy some of it, but I’m guessing it is going to be super “talky” and he’d probably get lost trying to follow along. I checked into getting an interpreter which they were more than happy to provide, but I wound up nixing the idea because I thought I could just leave Tanner at home while I went so I don't want to call them back at the last minute to change my mind. Guess I'll wait and see tomorrow, I probably need to study anyway.

I’ve also been enjoying new friendships I’ve formed and getting out with one person in particular. I’ve decided that I’m going to remain somewhat quiet about this aspect of my life since my whole situation is somewhat complicated. Out of respect for my son, I won’t be discussing much more on the subject of dating, etc. Just know that I am definitely not actively pursuing new prospects at the moment, but I have developed a friendship with someone and am interested in seeing where it might go. Erik is fully informed and while somewhat protective of me, is supportive.

So! There you have it…my week in a nutshell. I plan on elaborating on my last lab experience later in the week. It went well, but I swear, I almost died lol. All I have to say is the prof is getting a strongly worded email suggesting that we take the thermostat down a notch for our next lab.

As a closer, I’m interested in learning if any of you guys have done the P90 program. This isn’t the P90X people, just the P90…baby steps, baby steps.

Seein' Doctors and Losing Weight

Note: I was going to try to find a funny little cartoon about going to the gynecologist and made the mistake of image googling "gynecologist" without the porn filter on :P Now I'm a little sick to my stomach. Hope you don't mind the blog sans funny cartoon!

Ok so last week, I spent a lot of time in doctor’s offices. I scheduled an appointment with my gyno’s nurse practitioner and learned that she was also a fellow bariatric patient. She had the RNY, but was interested to hear about the sleeve. I wasn’t sure if she was going to be able to do a pap that day although the medication she prescribed had pretty much stopped the bleeding I was experiencing. I think after talking to me a bit and noticing that it had been five years since my last pap, she figured she better strike while the iron was hot so she sent me off with my superman cape and told me to get nekkid.

I love the things they talk to you about while they are inserting the speculum and basically probing around in your privates: “So what do you do for a living?” “Are you from San Antonio?” “Do you live nearby?” All of these questions you are obligated to answer as if you were merely standing in line at the grocery counter and not spread eagled with lots of equipment and appendages in your hoo-ha. I did my best to answer her questions and when she complimented me on my “nice long cervix” I thanked her and told her that I got compliments on it all the time (I didn’t really, it was one of those things I thought of later and wished I had said). I mean seriously? Later when I told Erik what she had said I made some stupid joke about it being something he could brag to his friends about: “Yeah my wife may weigh a few hundred pounds, but MAN if you could see her cervix you’d understand!”

She seemed to think everything was ok, but wanted me to go for an ultrasound and since I’m 40, she wanted me to get in for a mammogram (BTW blogging buddies, Breast Cancer Awareness Month is coming up in October so go get yourself squished!).

I’ve had the ultrasound (which was SO uncomfortable….they always are…I’ll spare you the details for once) and heard back from my gyno. Apparently my uterine lining (which can build up in people with PCOS and put them at risk for endometrial cancer) was pretty thin so she isn’t sure whether they will need to put in an IUD (the NP had suggested it as a way to keep the lining from building up and I was all for it because it meant NO PERIOD YAY). My doctor was concerned that if we did an IUD it might actually cause break through bleeding since the lining was so thin to begin with. Anyway, we are going to wait and see how the next cycle goes before taking any action.

I have my mammogram this Saturday so fingers crossed there. I’ve had mammograms before so I know what to expect…a perky little cheerleader who is going to have to act as if my mammoth breastages are just as lovely as hers! Oh well, they will be SOME DAY! By the end of this week, I should be fairly thoroughly checked out.

I almost forgot, remember the cyst from hell? Yeah it is still giving me problems so I went in to see a dermatologist this time around. She lanced it and injected some steroids so hopefully it will go away already!

Hmm, what other repulsive medical information can I share with the masses and ensure my single status for the rest of my life? I think that’s about it guys sorry…my well of disgusting factual tidbits has run dry.

On the weight loss front, I am down to 366!! Today I was actually 367, but I think that is because I came back off my blood pressure meds. OH! I forgot to tell you…when I went to the gyno, my blood pressure was up a bit 130/100 :S She advised that I go back on my BP meds which I did for several days, but I felt pretty crappy the days I took it. Very similar to when I had to be hospitalized, but not nearly as bad. I just had NO energy, really tired almost to the point that talking at the end of the day would wear me out. Lately, I’m used to feeling super energized so I stopped them yesterday and I’m going to try to find some time to get into my regular doc to have my BP taken to see if maybe that one time was just a flukey thing.

Because of the lack of energy, I haven’t been getting on the treadmill the last few days, but I HAVE been doing a whole lot more around the house. My mom would die to know how much I am enjoying housework now that I can actually do it again. I think Erik is enjoying it too lol. I’ve also been trying out a lot of new recipes. We had a low carb version of salmon patties last night (I used almond flour instead of breadcrumbs and flour) and they turned out alright. I think I’m going to have to add something (lemon pepper and maybe squeeze a little lemon juice on them afterwards). They were just ok. I also tried this baked cauliflower which turned out fairly horrible. I don’t recommend it :P

As far as weight loss goes, I have posted a projected weight I want to be at for each month and I’m darn close to where I want to be by next Thursday which will be my 3-month mark since surgery. The goal weight is 359. I might be able to do that, but I’m going to have to step up the exercise for sure. Even if I don’t make it, just being this close is pretty awesome. I have figured that if I continue to lose the way I have been, I could be under 300 by the end of the year. We’ll have to wait and see though.

6 week Surgiversary!

So I’m 6 weeks from my surgery date. When I weighed myself this morning I was at 392. That is an even 25 lbs since surgery (a little over 4 lbs a week) and 73 lbs from my highest weight! Sometimes I still can’t believe I am ACTUALLY on the other side of 400 lbs!!! It’s amazing!

Tanner and I went to the pool this afternoon. I walked for about an hour in the pool and then did a water aerobics class for an hour. When I got home, I was at 387! Of course, I think I’m slightly dehydrated as I have a bit of a headache so I’m guzzling water as fast as I can sip so I’ll probably be closer to 392 tomorrow, but it was sure nice to see the scale registering in the 380’s!!

I usually have Erik take my picture each week on Tuesday, but I decided that I will probably just do it monthly instead. It is hard to see much change from week to week.

I sent my transcripts in to the nursing school I’m considering (one of them) to see if they can tell me exactly what pre-requisites I need to take and whether they will let me take online classes for the ones I know I need (chem. 1 and 2, microbiology, nutrition). I’m kind of excited about getting back in to school honestly although chemistry scares the crap out of me! I love science, but I just am not into chemistry at all :( I’m sure I can handle it though. Now I just need to figure out how I’m going to pay for the classes. I’m not in a huge hurry though so if I can’t get registered this semester, I will try for next semester.

I also renewed my membership at the YMCA today. I have a membership at the bariatric gym as well, but they don’t really have any classes or anything and I’m hoping to eventually start taking some of the bootcamp style classes at the YMCA. I will most likely keep my membership at the smaller gym because I can use the pool during the winter months and I just like the attention I can get at the smaller gym.

Overall, I’ve increased my activity and have managed to walk or swim every day for the last week. I’m walking on the treadmill and outside. I try to switch it up because I know walking outside seems to stress my core and upper body more; most likely because I’m not supporting my upper body the way I do on the treadmill.

Oops! One last thing. I have cut out the protein bars I was eating (about one or two a day) because they were often easier to grab than running to the kitchen while I was working to make up a quick meal. I’ll have to wait and see if it impacts my weight loss at all. It has been a bit slower than I thought it might be and maybe the sugar alcohols in the bars are impacting my weight loss. I know when I did low carb before, I had to stay away from most bars, etc because of that. We’ll see ;)

What I did for exercise TODAY!

Spent about four hours at the pool. Some of that was pool walking, some was swimming, some was just playing and having fun with the Tan-man!! I think I got burned a bit through that shirt though. Geez, like I'm hiding anything by wearing it right lol??

I also took a half mile walk with Tanner first thing this morning. We took the puppies with us and mid-walk Tanner turns to me and with absolute disgust in his voice says "Why do dogs think it is so fun to go for a walk??" He cracks me up on a daily basis.

This was the first time I've walked OFF treadmill and It tired me out a bit more than I expected it to. Mostly in my shoulders believe it or not! I suppose because on the treadmill, I can support my upper body a bit by holding on to the side rails. Oh well, I lived. I may wake up a little earlier tomorrow so that I can get another walk in before I start work at 7:30.

This weekend, I'm going to have Erik help me set up a strength training program so that I can start alternating days with strength training. I've gotten a little taste of freedom, a little taste of sunshine, cutting a few links off these chains off at a time and I want MORE!

Insert Rocky Theme *Here*

Where to begin? Believe it or not I’ve had at least one blog almost all written and just never posted it so now it is somewhat stale. I have lots to update on, most of it pretty awesome!!

The picture above is the actual picture of the pool I work out in. I am now up to a full hour workout and am shooting for three times a week while continuing the exercises I’m doing at home and I’m finally starting to see real results! I’ll give you an example workout in the pool:

First 15 minutes: I warm up doing a step routine. I typically start by standing on the stair and doing 50 deep squats. Because my body is partially out of the water, it works my legs without putting so much pressure on my knees. Then, facing the step, I do 50 step ups on each leg starting with my right and then moving to my left. Today I added some lateral steps and discovered that, for whatever reason, they are MUCH harder to do. I stand with the step to my right and side step up and then go back down and repeat. I could only manage 20 of those on each leg. By the time I got to 20, my thighs were a-burnin’ something awful!
Next 30 minutes: Cardio using my legs. Today I ran for 15 minutes and used some Styrofoam weights to push under water as I ran. Then I did 5 minutes holding on to the bars at the end of the pool and kicking my legs, then 5 minutes on my back, holding onto the bars and kicking my legs, then I did 5 minutes treading water with just my arms. The latter is SUPER hard, by the time I’m done, my arms feel like jelly.
Last 15 minutes: Abdominal workout. I grab onto the bar at the end and bend my legs so that my knees are pointed at the bottom of the pool and then use my abs to bring my legs up into a crunch. I do 50 of those. When those are done, I lean to one side grabbing a pole so that the left side of my body is facing the bottom of the pool and, keeping my feet together, pull my legs forward working my obliques. I do 50 on each side. I wasn’t sure that would really work my obliques, but I started them yesterday and I am feeling it today! It was funny last night because I had some discomfort in my abdomen and initially thought I was getting sick and then it dawned on me…I’m just SORE!

The last two days have been my days off so all three of us (Erik, Tanner, and myself) have been going together around noon. I go work out in the pool while the guys work out in the gym. Today, we were walking out to the car and Erik had actually made it out and into the car before either one of us so I walked out, shut the door and started walking to the car. I stopped for a second because it dawned on me that I was walking NORMALLY! Part of my problem walking has been that my muscles were so messed up from me sitting so much and getting so little activity that they had actually shortened a bit. When I would go to stand, I couldn’t straighten my legs! If I tried to stand up straight, it felt really uncomfortable, like my inner knees were going to pop or something. So, I often had to keep my knees slightly bent and my feet further apart than normal just to walk. You can imagine how difficult it was to walk in this position.

So, I stopped for a second because, for the first time in a LONG time, I felt like my old self. Putting one foot in front of the other, my legs straight, my knees bending normally without feeling like they were going to give out any second. Something so simple gave me the most incredible joy you can imagine! It’s WORKING! Regardless of what the scale is doing…this is working!

I got to the car, opened the door and sat down and went to bring my other leg into the car. Three weeks ago, when I started back to the pool, I couldn’t use my leg muscles to lift my leg up and into the car. Instead, I would have to reach under my thigh and kind of assist my leg muscles a bit in order to lift my leg in so that I could shut the door (yeah it was that bad). I noticed today that I don’t need to “assist” anymore. I was easily able to lift my leg up high enough to clear the floor of the car. I’m sure I’ve been doing this the last couple of days, but just hadn’t noticed. The first thing I did was turn to Erik and say “Oh my god Erik, I felt like I was walking almost normally there!” to which he replied “I was just thinking the same thing Michelle! I was watching you walk to the car and thought ‘Wow, she’s just walking like she used to walk!’” I think it was kind of a cool moment for the both of us.

Later, when I was working out in the pool, I realized I was grinning like a damn fool the whole time. I was so cotton picken’ PROUD of myself and happy to be actually FEELING results. I almost picture the weight I’m carrying as my body wrapped in these enormous, heavy chains and today I felt what it was like to hack a link off. I’m not free yet, but I’m free-er than I was yesterday! It is pretty awesome guys :)

Well, I do have lots more to share, but I guess I’ll include that in tomorrow’s post since this one has already gotten quite long! Hope everyone else is doing amazingly well and enjoying the beginning of the summer!

Feeling Stronger!!

Ok, maybe I'm not there (see above) yet, but my muscles are waking up and it feels amazing!! I had some power oatmeal this morning (I'll post the recipe at the end of this post...don't think I've shared it before) and when my break rolled around I decided to see how long I could last on the treadmill. The last time I walked, I was absolutely STRUGGLING to get past three minutes. About a minute and a half into it, my back was getting tired, my knees were starting to hurt. At four minutes, my knees felt like someone had placed a hot pebble between my upper and lower legbones..it was NOT fun.

Today, I hopped on and started it up and noticed that the typical speed I was walking at (the lowest setting available) just seemed too slow and laborious so I punched it up a few clicks. The treadmill is in Tanner's room so I was treated to his guitar hero prowess on Slipknot's "Before I Forget" and then, at my request, Stevie Ray Vaughan's "Pride and Joy." It was quite a treat! I was actually quite impressed with how well he kept up on Stevie's song since it isn't one he's ever really heard before and it was pretty complicated to play. PLUS, his hearing aid is barely working and of course his cochlear is still demolished...I have to sign all the time now, even if he is looking right at me. Those of you that know Tanner, know that is a HUGE change. when everything is working perfectly, he can often understand what we are saying even if he is in another room. It is frustrating for all parties...but I digress...

So normally my back starts aching about 1.5 minutes in, I was focused on Tanner's guitar hero playing, but when I noticed my back begin to ache I looked down to see what time it was and I was almost FOUR minutes in!!! I made it to 5 minutes no problem and probably could have done a bit longer, but I really want to make sure I don't injure myself so I'm going to start increasing my time a tiny bit each time I get on the treadmill. I'm going to do another 5 minutes on my lunch and then another 5 on my break. I figure I'll try 5:15 at lunch and then 5:30 on my next break. I'll see how I feel tomorrow and then determine whether to increase a bit more or stay where I'm at for a day or so.

After my walk, I went and did 100 crunches on the weight bench. Paxton was sitting on the bed and walked over by me like he was going to spot me so I said "Paxton, count them out for mommy ok?" Erik laughed and started talking in paxton's "voice" saying stuff like "1, P, 6, 6, 6, lemondrops, 200 thousand, squirrel!" everytime I did another crunch lol). Obviously counting is not one of Paxton's strong suits. It's a good thing he's so cute. You know, it is hard to concentrate on using the right muscles when you are giggling the entire time. See why I can never stay mad at Erik? Infuriates me :P

Still at 431 today, but plan on seeing more come off this week as I get more time logged on the treadmill and at the gym! Hope everyone has a wonderful memorial day :)

Michelle's Power Oatmeal:

Ingredients:
1/2 cup oatmeal
1 cup skim milk
half a banana sliced
sprinkling of raisins or dried cranberries
sprinkling of slivered almonds
butter substitute and splenda to taste

Put all ingredients in a bowl and then microwave for about 3-4 minutes. You will know it is ready when it looks creamy. The bananas kind of "lubricate" it much like real butter does so it isn't so pasty and dry. I don't really taste them as much so if you aren't a banana lover, you may not mind this addition. The raisins or cranberries provide a nice sweet punch instead of sugar and the almonds provide additional protein without adding a lot of fat. This fills me up and makes me feel full for quite some time! To be honest, it really doesn't need additional sweetener or butter substitute. Sometimes I may put a teaspoon of splenda brown sugar over the top just to change it up. If you give it a try, let me know what you think :)

DAY 8:

Today was pretty uneventful. I'm still trying to get one of my good friends to join the gym I want to go to. We used to go together, but she couldn't afford it and then I stopped going and blah, blah, blah. She weighs a bit less than I do, but she's shorter and she is beginning to head down the same path I did. I think the one thing that saves her right now is that she has a young daughter who keeps her busy. I just don't think she's ready to really commit to making that sort of change in her life. Like me, her mouth says she wants to, but her actions say otherwise. So, for now...I'm just going to have to drop it with her. Maybe as I get more weight off and start feeling better, she'll want to follow suit.

So, I'm back to square one when it comes to getting to the gym. Frustrating. The main reason I want to go is #1: I want to be able to take Tanner with me and get him more involved. #2: I'm scared of injuring myself and I know the fitness guy there could help me set up a strength training program that could help me get my strength back without risking an injury which could sideline me for quite a while. I can think up exercises to do for my upper body. We have a weight bench and we even have some cool weights that we bought years ago. I know what to do with them. I can also do pushups against the wall, work with soup cans and arm raises, etc. I even started doing some modified crunches using the weight bench. I put it at an angle where I'm leaning back a bit and pull myself upward into a sitting position. Believe me, after about 20 I feel it burning in my abs so it is doing something. I'm going to continue those until I can get on the floor.

I figure, for now...the back exercises, the wall pushups, the modified crunches..these will keep me plenty busy. As a side note...to those of you who might think I'm not pushing myself hard enough, know that it is mainly because I'm scared to death of hurting myself. I'm worried about getting shin splints or a pulled muscle; pulling my back out or injuring my knee. Any one of those things could not only sideline me for quite a while, but they can also make it even more difficult to get going again when whatever I screw up heals itself. By then, I will have lost even more muscle tone and I'm telling you...if I lose anymore muscle tone, I'm not going to be able to get out of bed or out of a chair without assistance.

Anyway, Here's what I accomplished today. You can see my physical activity notes below what I ate. Let me know if you can't see this. Looking forward to tomorrow.

FINALLY!

I've been trying all week to post, but I had so much to update, I was only getting it done in fits and spurts. In a nutshell, I've seen the cardiologist, had an echocardiogram, and had my psych appointment. I also had a horrible cold for over a week that kept me from blogging as I still had to work and was just wiped out from not sleeping. I will update more on some of the above stuff when I can this week, but I wanted to get something done this morning.

I have been eating ok. A few slips here and there, but overall, doing ok. I've been walking on the treadmill sporadically, but in the last few days more routinely. I'm up to about 6 minutes at a time and have managed to get two walks in a day. I'd like to get up to 3 and then start to increase my minutes.

I also got up at 5AM this morning to go to the pool. Here was my workout there. Keep in mind this was all done in the pool:

50 jumping jacks
15 minutes running
100 stairs on each leg (by the time I stand on the stair in the pool, half my body is out of the pool. I felt it in my legs, but honestly, I really felt it in my back. My core strength is just as bad as my strength in my arms and legs)
50 leg raises to the side on each leg
100 tip toe raises

I want to try to do some upper body later today. I'm probably going to do the push up workout I used to do only against the wall. I just don't have the strength to haul myself up off the floor yet. I made the mistake of getting on the floor over the weekend to work on my computer (I put in new memory..am I a bad ass or what?). I spent about 20 minutes on the floor trying to make a mess of the spaghetti of wires under my desk and when it was time to get off the floor, I realized I was in a pickle. It wasn't so much my strength, but my knees. I either had to kneel on one knee and use my hands on the other to get up (you try putting 440 lbs of pressure on one on one of your knees and see how it feels) OR grab my desk and use some upper body strength to pull myself up. The problem with the ladder was that for the time it took me to pull myself off the floor, my knees were going to have to still support most of my weight as I hauled myself up. I literally sat there for about 10 minutes brainstorming how I was going to get off the floor without calling Erik in to help. I honestly don't know how I managed to get up without causing my knees to blow out, but it was difficult enough that I am not going to risk getting stuck again anytime soon!

Does anyone have any ideas for how I can start strengthening my lower back and abdominal muscles? They can be pool exercises (keeping your balance in the pool works your core strength as well) or out of the water exercises, but nothing where I have to get down on the ground obviously. I've wondered if I could try to do crunches in bed lol, but I dont think it is firm enough.

Ok, have to get the tanman off to school. I may update more later. If you want to track my food and exercise, visit me here.

Want to leave a comment? Click on the word "comment" below.

Shopping and the poor man's wheelchair

So some of you might wonder how I'm managing shopping if I can't even cook an entire meal without a chair in the kitchen. I am still amazed at how easily it was to go from kick boxing to my current state. When all you have to do is roll out of bed and take a 5 second walk to your office and that is about the extent of the activity you get for the day, is it any wonder I can even muster up the strength to roll out of bed? To say I am out of shape just doesn't even do justice to how SERIOUSLY out of shape I truly am. Every time I have the least little problem health-wise, I'm reminded how close I am to becoming completely bedridden. Just one little mishap or illness can erode what little strength I have left and possibly compromise my mobility to the extent that I WON'T even be able to roll out of bed any longer.

So, with this in mind, I made a drastic and humiliating decision. I am going to have to start reclaiming some of the things Erik started doing...first, because I was working too much to do them myself (running errands, grocery shopping, taking Tanner to doctor's appointments, etc), then later because I no longer had the strength to do them myself. The situation was snowballing on me and I realized that it wasn't going to take much more before I couldn't even do the things I was doing now...that's scary. If you've ever wondered (like a thinner me used to wonder) exactly *how* an extremely obese person gets bed-bound....my blog should answer your question. It starts slowly. You gain weight over time and gradually you start adjusting your life and activities to accommodate that weight gain. At first, you start waiting for a parking spot closer to the entrance of the store, leave earlier to get a closer spot at work. When you go grocery shopping, you stop doing the once every week or so shopping and start shopping in more manageable bites of time that won't require you to be on your feet an hour or longer or require you walking the entire store. You start using the elevator instead of the stairs. Before you know it, this reduction in activity means you lose bits of muscle mass which makes mobility and physical activity even more difficult. The lack of activity contributes to your weight gain which makes everything more difficult. Before you know it, you discover internet shopping...no need to leave the house at all for that. You go through the drive through at the drug store pharmacy vs. walking in. And so on, and so on....you see the vicious cycle here.

If you happen to have problems with depression (like I do) that only exacerbates your problems as you likely will spend most of your free time sleeping. The more weight you gain, the more mobility you lose, the more depressed you get. Again, vicious cycle.

The problem I was faced with was...how was I going to attempt these outings without getting myself into a situation that I might have a problem getting out of. How was I going to go to the store, walk from my car into the store, walk around the store browsing products AND stand at the check out line long enough to pay for my items and then walk back to my car? Sounds like a simple outing to most of you. For me, it might as well be climbing mount everest. I finally came up with a solution. Yes, I get funny looks, yes it is somewhat humiliating (it would probably be incredibly humiliating for most of you, but when you weigh what I weigh, the bar for what sort of humiliating situations you can endure definitely gets raised. What I did was load a folding chair in the backseat of the car. When I got to the store, I threw the folding chair into a cart and walked until I really needed to sit down. I tried to last as long as I could which quite honestly, wasn't all that long. We are talking way under 5 minutes at a time on my feet. Usually my cue to break out the poor man's wheelchair was about the time my back started aching, knees started trembling, calves cramping...you get the picture. Pretty much, if I knew the next step was going to possibly endanger anyone who might be unfortunate enough to share the aisle with me should I fall, I sat down. A few clerks gave me funny looks when I whipped out the chair. Some customers tried to act as if it was the most normal thing in the world to carry a folding chair under your arm while you shop and avoided my gaze. In all honesty, they probably could have cared less lol...they were probably more interested in their own crafting pursuits to worry about the morbidly obese woman taking a crafting break in the middle of aisle 12. Yes, it was a bit embarrassing, but I was proud of myself for getting out there despite my limitations. I have to start somewhere.

I suppose I could have used one of their wheelchairs or hopped on the motorized chairs they have at some stores, but to me...that is only one more step towards immobility. Right now...that is MY "waiting for a closer parking spot" or giving up another errand to erik. If I accept my current limitations then I'm only setting myself up for the next step...becoming completely immobile and I refuse to accept that. I may not have made much progress this year where my weight is concerned. I've actually lost about 30 lbs in total which is progress I suppose seeing as I've managed to gain about 25 lbs a year for the last 10 years. I'll take what I can get :)

Want to leave a comment? Click on the word "comment" below.

Synchronized Swimming

Thought I'd take a minute to post real quick and let you guys know that I did go swimming Tuesday. We had a lot of fun and I got sunburned everywhere I didn't have sunscreen (eyelids and scalp...wth with the scalp burn? it isn't that thin is it?). I spent almost the entire hour and a half keeping busy, whether I was swimming laps or walking or doing strength training. I felt it when I went to get out of the pool, but the next day I was fine which makes me wonder if I was really doing anything at all lol. I want to hurt, I want my muscles to ache!!

Tanner and I are a great swim team btw! He swam a few laps with me at the beginning and then went off to have some fun with the kids. Every once in a while, I would give him a choice of getting out of the pool to go up the massive slides they have there (its quite a job for him to climb) or come and swim one lap back and forth.

I'm going to get some diving sticks or something this weekend so that we can incorporate that in our workout as well. The diving sticks are great too because it gets the kids interacting with him. I was so upset Tuesday because Tanner and a few kids were playing with his water football having a great time, a kid came up and started talking to him so Tanner told him he was deaf and looked for me to interpret. I swam over and asked the kid what he wanted to say, but I could already tell that the sound of Tanner's voice had freaked him out. He just put his hands up and said "no, thats ok, nothing." I told him it was fine, tanner was just deaf and I could interpret for him, did he want to play too? Again the kid acted like he was going to catch it from Tanner or something and just swam off :( It honestly doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it makes my heart break for tanner :( He could have cared less though, he just went on playing with the other kids lol so who has the problem with it?

I've also sorted out a scam to get Tanner more motivated to exercise. It's going to sound bass ackwards, but I think it makes sense. We are going to have one night a week where we eat out and Tanner gets to pick the spot...as long as he gets 20 minutes of physical activity a day in at home. If he doesn't get the 20 minutes a day, then we don't eat out that Friday. The food isn't so much a "reward" per se, but more of a way to make it make sense to him: If you work out, then you can afford to splurge every now and then. You don't work out, you can't afford it. We'll see how well this goes over. He's gotten rather used to fast food.

Erik took him to tour the high school and he said that Tanner was pretty much the heaviest kid he saw there :( Again, the guilt is immense. I sometimes wonder if I'm ever going to be able to undo any of the damage we've done in regards to his ideas about food. I swear to you, the kid does not have a FULL sensation. He eats and I KNOW he has to be stuffed, but he will ask for more. I know it is partly because of some of the medication he is on, but geez...when you can out-eat me, you are consuming at the professional level.

Ok, I hear him coming in the door as I write so I have to sign off so that we can go to pool again! Not sure how to keep my scalp from burning though...any suggestions that don't involve me donning some dorky headpiece or putting sunscreen in my hair? Trust me, I have quite a look going in just the swimsuit.

By My Calculations...I'm still Fat!

Ok, the last two days have not been the best. I can feel myself sinking in kind of a rut. It could be the rain, it could be the fact that my very gorgeous childhood friend is now dating the very sweet guy we both had a crush on in high school, maybe I'm just losing a little momentum, I'm not sure. I do know that it isn't going to derail me.

I partly think it might be that I have yet to start my fitness regime. I have the treadmill upstairs, it just needs a little vacuum and then its good to go. Erik was supposed to bring the vacuum upstairs for me since I do good getting myself upstairs, much less myself and a household appliance up the stairs. I even ordered some exercise stuff this week so that I could do that seated full body workout justice. I have the box from amazon sitting right next to me this very moment, but I haven't opened it up. Ok, well now I opened it up. It wasn't everything, but enough. I ordered three different exercise bands, a weighted medicine ball and a tape measure. You know what the tape measure means right? Humiliating measurements on the way...God I dread sharing those, but I will.

I kind of think it might have been the fact that I only lost a little over a pound this week. I know I have been saying the mantras and they help, but deep inside I'm thinking "I have 300 lbs to lose and I only lost ONE this week; its going to take forever!!" One of the lovely side effects of PCOS is that it makes it very easy for you to gain weight, but very difficult to get the weight off. At my size, my BMR is 2730 so my body burns that many calories just to stay alive. If I'm eating under 1800 calories a day, shouldn't i be losing a little more than that? Let me see...

DISCLAIMER: these calculations were done with the aid of a calculator. Do not attempt these calculations without the aid of a calculator as I can personally attest to the fact that you will burn more brain cells than fat cells.

1lb. of body fat = 3500 calories
2730 (my BMR) - 1800 calories (my daily intake) = 930 cal deficit a day
930 X 7 = 6510 deficit for week
6510/3500 = 1.86 lb loss for the week

Hmm, well I guess thats about right. I guess If I want to lose more, I'm going to have to get with it and get moving.

Starting tomorrow, I promise to put everything in my food diary and to do something to increase my activity. Those are my two goals. Maybe for now I just need to work on it a day at a time, at least until I get over this hump or whatever it is.

Want to leave a comment? Click on the word "comment" below.

Buffed, Beautiful and Bitchin'!

Sorry, I couldn’t NOT give a little shout out to Vera when we're talking about exercise. Of course it is just for your amusement. I'm quite fond of my bazooms so I won't be purchasing this particular workout to follow.

However, now that I have 10 whole lbs off, I figured it is time for me to start thinking about getting physical (cue Olivia Newton-John…just another little earworm for my faithful readers). At this weight, I am somewhat limited about what I can do. I’m limited for a couple of reasons. The obvious reason is my size; and honestly, let's just face it...at this size ALL my reasons are fairly obvious. My poor body is just having a very difficult time hauling itself around lately and for good reason. As I’ve mentioned before, I not only have gained weight in the last year, but I lost a lot of muscle mass as my daily activity decreased to almost nothing. I work from home, I have someone who can run errands for me, shop for me, etc so even the normal every day activity I used to get disappeared.

Initially, the help with errands and shopping was done more because I was the breadwinner and literally was working about 80 hours a week while I put my husband through school. He took over a lot of the other household duties while I scheduled practically every waking moment with some kind of work. In my mind, it would be worth it once he got his degree. Then, all hell broke loose with my son and the school placement we had him. It was particularly traumatic for our family and came at a very fragile point in our marriage. Once the dust cleared, our marriage was toast and we were struggling to get T on even footing again (which took lots of hospital stays and more). As I said, when T and I finally moved out, I went into a deep depression and everything just snowballed for my physically.

I’ve always enjoyed exercising…once I can get going and get a routine in place. For me, it’s taking that first step that always seems to be so hard, and lately I have more than enough excuses at the ready. I’m currently on medication for problems with my heart, blood pressure, thyroid, diabetes, and depression. I also have a history of chronic migraines; like 3-4 a week although they’ve gotten much better since I started the on blood pressure medication which makes me think my headaches weren’t migraines at all. When I try to exercise, I always have to worry about keeping my heart rate in a certain zone or it will trigger migraines…I know other people suffer from exercise-induced headaches as well and I’ve had them all my life, no matter what size I was. Even when I was in the best shape of my life I would get migraines if I exercised too intensely or got my body temperature up too high.

So…finding some exercise that I can do can be a bit of a challenge, especially lately. I know that I could do pool walking. That is great for getting my muscles back in shape, it keeps me cool. Apart from the embarrassment of getting into a swimsuit (which I really don’t care about at this point lol) its perfect for me. The weather, however, makes it a bit of a challenge to find a pool to use. I can join the gym over at my bariatric center, but it would take $300 that I don’t have at the moment. The only YMCA with an indoor pool is in a bad part of town and I decided it was going to be practically impossible to get there in the rush hour traffic. So, at least for now working out in the pool is on hold.

I have a sturdy treadmill at home I could use. I bought it at least 3 years ago and of course it’s hardly been used. It supposedly will accommodate my weight, but lately, my heart rate goes up almost immediately and then surpasses the “safe” zone in the first 5 minutes. I decided the other day that what I should probably do is start some strength training exercises and work on getting 20 minutes of cardio in a day even if it’s just jumping on the treadmill for 5 minutes at a time. I have to start somewhere right?

I’ve been trying to find some ideas for strength training exercises that I can do that don’t require me getting on the ground because once I’m down, it’s going to take a village to get me back up. I found some seated exercises here and even though I’m sure I’m going to feel like a complete loser doing them, I’m going to give them a shot.

Now I just need to get my fat butt UP to do it. How do you get yourself motivated to exercise? Better yet, how do you motivate your teenagers to exercise…he’s my next challenge!