Trying not to get discouraged

Ok, so I knew I would stall. Anyone who posts on the Obesity Help VSG forum talks about these stalls. Most likely, it has to do with our limited intake periodically putting our body into starvation mode which makes us plateau for awhile.

When I last went into the hospital, you might remember I was at 396. I bid adieu to the 400's forever and then promptly landed myself in the hospital with severe dehydration. After two days in the hospital and really nothing by mouth (a few sips of broth at each "meal," maybe a few bites of jello) I came home hydrated and weighing 402 lbs. I really didn't care about the "gain" because I was feeling much better and figured I'd rather be 402 lbs and able to walk and talk normally than 396 and near death. Since I came home from the hospital, I have bounced around between 400 and 404 and today I jumped on the scale (it being a full month since my surgery, I felt it was necessary) and I was at 405!!! I definitely don't like seeing the scale KEEP going up when I haven't broken 1000 calories since the surgery. If you are curious to see what I've been eating, you can do so here.

I know I can't REALLY be gaining fat, but I haven't been working out (that starts up this week) so I know it isn't muscle. As a matter of fact, I've been sleeping a bunch. People tend to go into hibernation phase after the surgery as your body tries to adjust to the limited intake and I think that is it partially. Often, I'm just so darn BORED, I lay down to read a bit and end up falling asleep.

So, I go to see my surgeon tomorrow (well really his physician assistant) and I made an appointment with my nut (nutritionist) as well. I've printed off a few weeks of my meal plans from sparkpeople and hope she can help me sort it out. THEY really want me to be doing two shakes a day and a small meal, NO snacks so I'm anticipating that she will talk about the fact that I've basically been eating small meals and occasionally snacks. I only started doing that because I thought I needed to try to get in more protein and up my calories a bit to break the plateau...that obviously isn't working though. I have a hard time getting the shakes down, but have ordered another kind and hope they will make it easier (they only require 4-6 oz of fluid so the volume is less). Maybe my carbs are too high? I'm basically trying to eat low carb, but I have been eating things (tomato based products like chili and spaghetti sauce) that I normally wouldn't be eating on my typical low carb diet.

Anyway, this past week I've also been on my period (the first in MONTHS!). I'm attributing this to the weight I have lost. With my PCOS, my periods get very unpredictable, especially when I'm gaining or maintaining a high weight. As my weight goes down, they start to become more regular. This is probably the most normal period I've had in at least a year, so that is good. My period may also be contributing to some of the gain I'm seeing, but I'm almost done now so stepping on the scale and seeing it go up another pound is alarming.

So, to sum it up...some of the things I think are contributing to the stall/gain include:

1. I'm very lucky to get in 40-50 oz of fluid (usually G2 Gatorade since plain water at any temp seems to upset my stomach) a day. I'm usually sipping on something all day (when I'm awake), but I can only sip so much at a time and filling my stomach with too much liquid still makes me a bit queasy so I have to be careful. I'm going to have to make a more concerted effort to get in at least 64 oz a day.

2. I've been completely sedentary! Since I got home from the hospital, I've been so worried about staying hydrated that I didn't really want to work out (even a quick walk on the treadmill) until I was sure I was doing well enough to keep myself out of the hospital. I think I'm fairly comfortable that I'm accomplishing that so today I am going back to the pool and may even start walking at night on the treadmill or with tanner outside.

3. Diet: I'm going to talk to my nut tomorrow and see what she thinks. If she tells me to get back on the two shakes a day and small meal with no snacks, I'll do that and see where it gets me. I'm not really "hungry" since the surgery, so it won't be hard to get back on their plan really....as long as I can find some protein shakes that don't make me want to hurl! Otherwise, I really don't know what more I can do besides stop eating altogether lol.

Finally, I have taken some pictures over the last month and hope to post them later today or tomorrow. Don't get too excited lol, I can't really see much of a difference since the surgery, but I can tell it in my body and my clothes...just not the pictures really.

Spent two days in the hospital :(

Hey guys, sorry I haven't been up to blogging the last couple of days. I had to go back in the hospital Wednesday after seeing the doctor. I was severely dehydrated and my blood pressure was extremely low (75/45 was the lowest reading they got at one point). The doc immediately stopped my blood pressure and heart meds (yay!) and put me in the hospital to run some tests and rehydrate me.

They had to stick me about 5 times before they could get a vein I was so tapped out and by the time I got to the hospital I could barely walk on my own. Erik had to run in and get a wheelchair for me. I have NEVER been that exhausted before. It couldn't even talk really, it was horrible.

They got me rehydrated, gave me a ton of potassium and some iron and sent me home yesterday. The bad news is...I don't think I'm out of the woods. I started adding in some mushy foods yesterday (a couple bites of egg and later for lunch a couple spoonfuls of refried beans....the dr ok'd this). The weird thing is..the food seems to make my tummy feel better, but the second I start to drink anything, I start to get nauseas. If I try to drink too fast (which is about what they have prescribed...an oz every 15 minutes) then it sends me straight to the bathroom with diarrhea and dry heaves/vomiting....not fun AT ALL. By last night, I felt like absolute crap. I had slept most of the day and was not the least bit interested in eating a damn thing. I tried to sip some water, but the more I got on my stomach, the more sick I felt.

I called my doctor's office about 9pm and talked with Dr. Delicious (he's a new doc there doing an internship and he is SUCH a cutie lol....there was a silver lining in this whole thing ;) It has been kind of frustrating because he keeps insisting that nothing i ingest can possibly void as quickly (via the diarrhea) as i say it is, but it has happened often enough that it can't possibly be coincidence. He prescribed zofran, a different antinausea med, and erik ran to get it for me. I took some when he got home and went to sleep and slept until 8 this morning.

I feel better this morning, but I'm just wondering how i'm going to feel as the day progresses and I try to drink more :( Please keep me in your prayers...I'm sure this is just a bump in the road...a forum I go to of sleevers have said that the nausea can last up to 3 months. I doubt I'll be like this forever, but I really just want to feel better :(

The Waiting Game: courtesy of Erik :)

As promised, Erik detailed his own experience in the waiting room. As I said, he really was put through the ringer when the surgery took about an hour longer than expected. Thanks so much for blogging for me Erik :)
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Well, I'll start off when they gave Michelle her shot of Margarita elixir in the pre-op waiting area. They had finalized everything and she was ready to go. I was both excited and scared, but didn't want her to see any of my fears. So I put on a smile and they wheeled her out. She was already feeling nice and relaxed and the nurse told her to keep her hands and arms inside the bedrails so as to keep them from getting banged on the walls in case that were to happen. As soon as she said to keep her arms in, Michelle put them right on the rails. She said, "keep your arms in sweety." She put them down, then 2 seconds later, grabbed the rails. "Keep your arms in sweety.", the nurse said again and Michelle put her arms down. 2 seconds later, there they go again holding the rails. "I need you to put your arms to your sides sweety.", she said again and I was doing my best to hold in my laughter.

We go to the end of the hallway to what the nurses referred to as the "Kissing Corner". That's where the waiting room was and this is where everyone said their goodbyes. We stopped there, and Pat said a few nice things to Michelle which now escape me, but then I really wasn't paying much attention to anything around me. I was just holding her hand and praying for everything to go well. I said "I'll see you later sweety.", then leaned in to kiss her forehand and give her hand one last squeeze. She said, "thank you sweety" and then she was off.

Pat had to leave to meet with some people and asked that I keep her posted, I told her I would. She left and I went in to the very crowded waiting area, found a seat and began my task of texting and facebook posting as to Michelle's instructions. When that was completed, I decided to go grab a bite to eat at the start of the surgery since I knew I wouldn't move again until it was done. I headed on over to the cafeteria, bought a couple slices of pizza and some water, and had my lunch. When that was done, I thought I'd head to the gift shop to see if they had a word search to keep me busy since I know I wouldn't be able to concentrate enough to actually read anything. I found what I needed and headed on back to the waiting area.

I was told by the nurse that the surgery would start around 11 am and end at about 12:30, but that it may take up to 2 hours. So there I sat, doing my little word search and intermittently stopping to read some of the texts from friends and family, and respond to those that asked me to. I would occasionally glance at the soccer match they had on the T.V. but for the most part, kept to the word search to keep my mind off things. 12:30 came and went, then 12:45, then 1:00. Michelle had said the only person that I really might need to call would be her grandfather, so I gave him a call at that time just to let him know that it looked like it would take a little longer. He said thank you and looked forward to hearing from me when it was all done. Then 1:10 came and went, then 1:20, and I was panicking. What the heck was taking so long and why was no one coming to update me? Every time a nurse or doctor entered the waiting room, my heart just stopped, then they would call a name and my heart would begin racing again, because it wasn't about Michelle.

I tried to be calm. I didn't want to ask anyone what was taking so long because I just didn't want to put that out there. I had to think everything was okay and that if I felt something was wrong and acted like it was, then it would come true. Stupid, I know, but that is the way my mind was working. No news was good news, right? I kept trying to convince myself of that. Then 1:30 came around, a doctor came in, looked at me and said, "Mr. V?" , "yes" I replied. He said, "step out here please". What? Why do I need to step out of the waiting area? All the other doctors walked in, called a name, and then walked right over to talk to the patient's family. Why is it different for me? Why can't he just walk 5 more steps and let me know she's okay? All these thoughts raced through my mind as I gathered her things and mind and walked to the hallway. I don't think I was breathing this entire time. I got to the hallway where he was waiting for me and he said, "Everything's fine, it just took a little longer than we expected". YES! I could breathe again! He said, "she'll be in recovery until about 3, then we'll move her up to the 5th floor and you can go see her when she's settled. Now is a good time to call anyone you need to, grab something to eat or run any errands you need to, ok?" "Thank you Doctor!" was all I could say at that point.

So with my heart beating normally again, I proceeded to contact, text and facebook as I did earlier to let everyone know the good news and then headed home to pick up my son and my Mom. I just couldn't believe that it actually happened and I was so excited and happy for Michelle. I went home, got her things, put the kid and my Mom in the car and headed back to the hospital at 3, just like the Doctor said. We went to the waiting room and since there wasn't anyone there to look up her room number, I decided to head to the Nurses station to get the room number she was in.

The nurse that was there asked for her name, I told her "Michelle V" and she proceeded to look up her information. she said, "Oh, she's ready to go home". I said, "No, she just got done with her surgery and was in recovery, so I know she's not ready to go home". The nurse looked puzzled and said, "Monica, right." "No, Michelle, Michelle V" I said. "Oh, I think she's still in surgery." "No," I said again, "she just got done and the doctor said she would be on the 5th floor, I just need to know the room number," "oh, sorry, let me check again." "Well it looks like she was just taken up with her family" the nurse said. "No, I just got here with my family, so that can't be her" I said. "yes sir, but she just went up with her Mother and a Man in a wheelchair" the nurse said again. Then another nurse chimed in, "if you were not in the waiting room, we call the persons name and whatever family members are there, we take them up with the patient" in a tone that implied "maybe if you had been here, you would have gone up with her too/" I looked at the second nurse that had said this to me and said, "I know if wasn't her mother, because she is deceased so it would be impossible for her to be with her Mom. My son and I are her only family here in town so you need to check again". I said this in a tone that let her know just how wrong she was and that she needed to drop her attitude because I had already been through the ringer when the surgery took longer than expected. The first nurse finally found the right person and said she was still in recovery and they were waiting for a room to become available and they would come get me as soon as they heard anything. "Thank you" I said exhaustedly. Sheesh! It was like the Keystone cops went to nursing school.

So back I went to the waiting room to let my son and Mom know that we would wait to hear when she was being taken to her room. We waited for about 30-45 minutes. I received a call from Pat and walked out to the hallway to get a better reception and to apprise her of the situation. As I hung up with her, I thought I heard my name, I turned around and there was Michelle behind me, pointing at me with a nurse behind her saying, "is that him?". I smiled and walked over to give her a kiss and let the nurse know I needed to get my son and Mother and we would follow them up to the room.

My son decided on the way to the hospital that it might be funny if we filmed her and asked her questions to see how she would respond. He got this idea from a youtube video of a father who filmed his son after his son had just had dental work and was loopy from the procedure. So when my kid gets up to her, he immediately asks, "how are you doing?" and "how many fingers am I holding up?" I told him to give Mom a break and let her rest, then had to explain to the puzzled nurse his devious intentions. We all smiled and laughed a little, then headed on up to the room and the rest, as they say, is history.

Life is Good

Yesterday was not a good day at all. I woke up with a sour stomach and suspect it may have been the few oz. of golden mushroom soup I had about an hour before bedtime. I hadn’t eaten a whole lot and was worried about how I’d feel in the morning if I didn’t get some more food on my stomach. Turns out, I probably would have been better off not putting anything on my stomach.

I woke up yesterday morning and could just tell that it was going to be a rough day. I had some jello, waited about half an hour and then started taking my pills. I took my meds (three pills) over about an hour and in the time I was waiting to start on my supplements (a daily multi vitamin and my calcium), I started dry heaving. Not only that, but I started with the diarrhea as well. Of course, I’m not cutting any breaks and often had both ends going at one time. By the time things calmed down, I was pale, pasty and breaking out in a cold sweat. I brushed my teeth, rinsed my mouth out with some mouthwash and went to research on the internets about what to do for a sour stomach. Finding a recipe for ginger tea, I sent Erik out to the grocery store (he’s been making about one trip a day for various things as I need them; never argues or anything, the second after I put in my order, he is walking out of the house, keys in hand).

I put some chicken broth on the stove while he’s gone and when he gets back I add a little ginger to the broth. I have to ask him to watch the broth while I go back to the bathroom for round two of the “Warring Orifices.” Once I recover, I plop down in my recliner and ask Erik to bring me a few oz of the broth. I get a few sips down, take some phenergan and decide my supplements can go fly for the day.

By now I’ve realized that there is something about me moving around too much that seems to make the nausea and vomiting worse so I decide to give in and just go back to bed for a while. I grab “Dead Until Dark,” the fluff book I bought to read in the hospital (which incidentally, while I LOVE True Blood, the book itself is really horribly written). I manage to read about a paragraph and even that seems to make me sick so I shut off my light and sleep until about 4pm.

When I wake up, I’m feeling slightly better and decide to make some ginger tea. While it is simmering on the stove, I ask erik to make another trip to the store for some antacid, just in case the ginger tea doesn’t work. I also mention I’d love the new People magazine with Bethenny Frankel on the cover…as sick as I feel, nothing can stifle my craving for Hollywood gossip.

20 minutes later, he is back home with everything I asked for as well as some diet Canada dry, some honey vanilla chamomile tea and a bag of sugar free chocolate calcium chews for me to try. Unfortunately the calcium chews are not calcium citrate so I can’t use them, but he was a sweetheart for trying to find an alternative to the current chewable tablets that give me the most trouble.

Erik makes me a cup of ginger tea and I add a bag of the honey chamomile to it (turns out ginger tea isn’t all that delicious by itself, but then, I think I made it too strong lol). He actually brings it to me in one of my grandmother’s coffee mugs which is strangely comforting and I manage to get about half down.

Over the next couple of hours, I’ll have a few popsicles and then some jello before I take my evening meds and go to bed.

This morning, I’m feeling better. I guess I will have to take it easy today and keep anything I consume very bland. On a positive note, I officially left the 400’s FOREVER today :) . When I weighed myself this morning (I can’t help it guys), I was at 399…life is good :)

Sooooooo Tiiiiiiiiired!

The last few days, I have really been wiped out. I finally called my doctor’s office to see if I could incorporate some protein shakes into my daily intake, because the Isopure was getting harder and harder to get down (I’ve learned since that it is affectionately referred to as IsoPUKE). The fatigue I felt was very much like how I felt prior to surgery…only MORE so. Seriously guys, I would walk from my bedroom to the kitchen and I’d be out of breath and feel as if I just took the longest walk of my life. It is not something I’m enjoying because it reminds me of how I felt 60 lbs ago. I know that it is temporary though. My body is trying to heal which takes protein and I just haven’t been getting much of that for the last week.

I went back to work yesterday because up until yesterday, I was feeling great! Then the bottom just kind of dropped out of my fuel tank. I woke up this morning, logged into work and could just tell it wasn’t going to work. I was literally so tired that when I talked you could HEAR the fatigue in my voice.

I’ve also had a few bouts with nausea and vomiting; mostly when I have to take a round of meds and supplements. Here is the problem: I really have to have SOMETHING on my stomach or the meds and supplements will make me throw up, BUT If I eat a thing of jello and then start trying to take my pills, then I wind up with entirely too much in my little stomach and THAT makes me throw up. This morning, I made a protein shake with a little bit of diet V8 splash (which is super yummy by the way) mixed with a bariatric advantage orangeade. I drank most of that, putting off my meds as long as possible, and when it finally got almost too late for my morning meds, I started trying to take them. Since I had finished the orange drink a bit earlier, I grabbed a sugar free jello and took a bite. Let that settle and then took my first pill. I let that settle and took my second pill with a bit of water. After waiting about 5 minutes, I took my third pill. Then it was time for the supplements: a multi vitamin chewable and a calcium citrate pill (both of which I can’t stand!) I chewed up the multi-vitamin quickly and swished my mouth with a bit of water to swallow it down; five minutes later I’m heaving my guts up at my bathroom sink. Well, it was more like dry heaves as nothing was really coming up, but it was from my TOES! Horrible!

I immediately got online with my supervisor and told her I think I may have overestimated my ability to be back so soon. Human Resources was nice enough to allow me to go back on leave without re-doing all the paperwork. I immediately logged off and went to lay down.

Erik came in for a few minutes to discuss what I needed him to get from the store (mainly more broth and some greek yogurt I’m going to try to mix into some of my protein shakes for more protein) and was so sweet about telling me to take it easy. I’m going to try another week and see how I feel. I see my doctor next Friday and he may let me start on mushies by then.

I was reading through my paperwork and noticed that it said that if you were experiencing the symptoms I was experiencing (dizzy, fatigue, etc) then you could move on to mushies (basically mushies are very well blended, wet foods: cottage cheese, tuna salad, chicken salad, refried beans, greek yogurt, etc). Before I took my nap, I called my doctor’s office to see if maybe that is what I needed to do, but they reiterated that I needed to stay on clear liquids for three weeks. The funny thing is…with patients who have the RNY, they are typically only on clear liquids for a week, but sleevers have to stay on it for three. I thought about it and I think the reason is that they are worried that once we start eating real food, before we really have a sense about our new hunger/full signals, we could conceivably overeat and spring a leak in our new stomach. Unlike the RNY patient who has a small suture line, sleevers have a suture line the entire length of their stomach and while it doesn’t happen a lot, you are at the highest risk of a leak in the first month. I do NOT want to experience that, so I’ll be a good girl and follow the doctor’s orders.

Last night, I made a homemade egg drop soup. The eggs and the tiny bit of green onion I added are kind of illegal at this stage of the game, but I only had about a half cup- a cup over about an hour just taking little sips and chewing any onion or eggy bits to death before swallowing. Tanner LOVED it as well and even though he had two mugs full, I figured it was still under 200 calories for both cups and about 10g fat. Next time, I’d like to try to add some unflavored protein powder to get more bang for my buck.

The last two days, I’ve really been able to increase my protein so I’m hoping that I’ll start to feel better soon. In the meantime…this morning I weighed myself and I’m at 403. That is a total of 14 lbs since the surgery and I can’t tell you how excited I am to be this close to passing out of the 400’s! I’m hoping that within the next week, I will be able to report some good news on that front :) Even with all the fatigue, vomiting, and yucky supplements I would do it all over again, no questions asked!

Mealtime Confession

Ok, I'm going to start with a confession and then follow it up with some explanation that will hopefully get me somewhat out of hot water. I just had dinner and every thing I ate was extremely bad for me. I had two fajita tacos with the works (guacamole, sour cream, etc) rice and beans, tortilla chips followed by a piece of Dulce de Leche cheesecake. I know...HORRIBLE! And I am now realizing WHY this stuff is so bad for you. I feel HORRIBLE.

But here's the deal...I heard from my doctor Friday and it looks like my insurance will pay for the gastric sleeve. The last time I went through all the nutritional appts. etc They would only pay for the RNY procedure. Now, they will pay for the sleeve YAY! I have an appointment to see him on Monday, but I may have t reschedule as I can't get time off work. I'm going to call them monday morning. If they can't reschedule me for THIS week when I'm off (thursday and friday) then I'm just going to call into work and see him monday. Pretty much, all I think I will need to do is get about 40 lbs off and he can do the surgery. SO, tomorrow, I'm starting an HMR fast. This was the diet I was on right before my mom was diagnosed with Cancer back in 2001. I lost about 36 lbs in four weeks. I weighed myself the other day and while I weighed in at 444 lbs (which would make you think is a decrease from around this time last year), but I think I've lost a lot of muscle mass this year so who knows how much of that 20 lbs is really fat loss from last year?

I'm also going to start on the treadmill and try to do five minutes two or three times a day. I need to get my heart in better shape for surgery too. Hopefully by the time I have the surgery, I will be able to walk at least 15 minutes at a time and can build on that as I begin to lose weight.

I'm scared to death guys, but I know I have to do this. And yeah...the mexican food was kind of a last meal sorta thing.