Knock Wood...looks like I'm back in business

I hesitate to get too excited because there always seems to be something that comes along that sets me back, but I think I'm finally on the tail end of this bout with shingles. It felt good to be "back at work" (I work from home, but you know what I mean) today and as far as strength and endurance goes, I'm feeling MUCH better today than I did yesterday so I'm hopeful I'll recover quickly.

I cannot begin to describe how horribly painful shingles are. The fact that they affected my scalp and eye made it worse because all the referred pain was causing migraines on top of the regular pain from the lesions themselves. They are disgusting as well! Tanner treated me like a leper, the brat. When I started feeling better, I might come down for a short while just to get out of my bedroom for a while. I might watch tv with Tanner and Erik or chat while I checked my email on my laptop downstairs. The first time I came down and got on the computer, Tanner yelled to Erik "Oh no dad, mom is on the computer! Now what are we gonna do? We are going to get THE VIRUS" Erik assured him that he would thoroughly disinfect the laptop after my shingle ridden fingers were back where they belonged: the quarantine that was my bedroom. I honestly can't say that I blame him though. I looked HORRIBLE, I had one eye swollen and shut with several lesions all around it, several more up my forehead and many more unseen on my scalp. I didn't even want to touch myself so I'm not going to blame the poor kid for freaking out lol. I'll just make him pay for it the next time he gets sick :P

It does suck though because I was really starting to feel good and could feel my body slowly getting stronger, finally gaining some momentum when I came down with this illness. Now, after a solid week in bed....I seriously only got out of bed to eat something and then take more medication I was so miserable...but I can feel what that week has done to my body. I haven't stepped on the scale so I don't know if I gained or lost. Honestly, my ex was helping take care of me and was pretty stressed out with appointments for our son and ferrying me to and from the doctor that he frequently would just grab something (fast food) for most of our meals :( I know I could have easily have made a sandwich or done something that kept me on plan, but to be quite honest...I was so miserable and in such pain that I didn't care and most likely was doing the typical "comforting" myself with food while I was sick. TOPS lady, I read your comment but did the cyber equivalent of covering my eyes/ears and sang 'lalalalalalala' at the top of my voice so that I could pretend I hadn't read it...I know...bad supersquared.

The good news is that I am very eager to get back to the pool or back on the treadmill ASAP. I'm going to wait until my head and everything is completely ok though as I'm a little paranoid that somehow the sun exposure triggered the shingles even though everything I've read has said it shouldn't have. I absolutely refuse to wear a darn hat or skin cap at the pool. I'm already sporting quite the swimsuit body as it is; I don't need to make my head look like a cue ball as well. I WILL probably resort to using some oil free spray sunscreen on my head or whatever scalp shows through my part just in case. Thanks to everyone who offered some suggestions where this was concerned. I found a Neutrogena sunscreen I think will work.

I am going to be doing lots of laundry and cleaning after I finish this post and believe me...right now, that is still a workout for me, but I hope to actually get on the treadmill tomorrow. Even if its just for a few minutes. My goal right now is to be able to walk the short distance from our house to what will be Tanner's new school by the end of the summer. It is exactly half a mile there and back and while I won't be walking him to and from the school when he starts school, we are going to try to get him used to doing it by himself over the summer. I realize I'm going to have to take it super slow so we'll see how close I get by the time he goes back to school

As far as eating, I've been on program since yesterday and have managed to make it through today on program so everything is looking good so far. Just PLEASE pray that I can manage a good couple of months without getting sick again. I'm really OVER all the illness.

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Checking in....

Hey, I'll give you one guess why I haven't been blogging lately...when in doubt....guess illness. It's a very long story that I might be more able to go into when I'm feeling better, but what I thought was a sunburned scalp ended up being shingles. I never imagined how AWFUL this stuff is. It is localized mainly to my scalp and face. I have one eye swollen shut. My forehead is swollen, I have multiple lesions all over my scalp causing incredible pain (and I have a HUGE threshold for pain). I was just diagnosed today after a few days of doctors trying to treat a sunburn. I've started some antiviral medication so I am hoping that I will start to feel better soon. If I could have someone put me in a coma until it was over, I would do it in a heartbeat.

Anyway, I know its going to be a few days at least until I feel like blogging again and I didn't want you guys thinking I was out on a binge.

The good news is that, after just a few swimming sessions, I was already starting to see some improvement in my knees. It's almost so miraculous, I want to say that it has to be coincidence, but who knows? I'm hoping that I'll be able to start back up soon :)

Synchronized Swimming

Thought I'd take a minute to post real quick and let you guys know that I did go swimming Tuesday. We had a lot of fun and I got sunburned everywhere I didn't have sunscreen (eyelids and scalp...wth with the scalp burn? it isn't that thin is it?). I spent almost the entire hour and a half keeping busy, whether I was swimming laps or walking or doing strength training. I felt it when I went to get out of the pool, but the next day I was fine which makes me wonder if I was really doing anything at all lol. I want to hurt, I want my muscles to ache!!

Tanner and I are a great swim team btw! He swam a few laps with me at the beginning and then went off to have some fun with the kids. Every once in a while, I would give him a choice of getting out of the pool to go up the massive slides they have there (its quite a job for him to climb) or come and swim one lap back and forth.

I'm going to get some diving sticks or something this weekend so that we can incorporate that in our workout as well. The diving sticks are great too because it gets the kids interacting with him. I was so upset Tuesday because Tanner and a few kids were playing with his water football having a great time, a kid came up and started talking to him so Tanner told him he was deaf and looked for me to interpret. I swam over and asked the kid what he wanted to say, but I could already tell that the sound of Tanner's voice had freaked him out. He just put his hands up and said "no, thats ok, nothing." I told him it was fine, tanner was just deaf and I could interpret for him, did he want to play too? Again the kid acted like he was going to catch it from Tanner or something and just swam off :( It honestly doesn't happen very often, but when it does, it makes my heart break for tanner :( He could have cared less though, he just went on playing with the other kids lol so who has the problem with it?

I've also sorted out a scam to get Tanner more motivated to exercise. It's going to sound bass ackwards, but I think it makes sense. We are going to have one night a week where we eat out and Tanner gets to pick the spot...as long as he gets 20 minutes of physical activity a day in at home. If he doesn't get the 20 minutes a day, then we don't eat out that Friday. The food isn't so much a "reward" per se, but more of a way to make it make sense to him: If you work out, then you can afford to splurge every now and then. You don't work out, you can't afford it. We'll see how well this goes over. He's gotten rather used to fast food.

Erik took him to tour the high school and he said that Tanner was pretty much the heaviest kid he saw there :( Again, the guilt is immense. I sometimes wonder if I'm ever going to be able to undo any of the damage we've done in regards to his ideas about food. I swear to you, the kid does not have a FULL sensation. He eats and I KNOW he has to be stuffed, but he will ask for more. I know it is partly because of some of the medication he is on, but geez...when you can out-eat me, you are consuming at the professional level.

Ok, I hear him coming in the door as I write so I have to sign off so that we can go to pool again! Not sure how to keep my scalp from burning though...any suggestions that don't involve me donning some dorky headpiece or putting sunscreen in my hair? Trust me, I have quite a look going in just the swimsuit.

Where the Helicopter is Super Squared?

No, thankfully I'm not recuperating from "the swine" which is now my #1 feared way of dying. I mean, how horrible would it be to die of the pig flu after spending your entire life battling obesity? I know it isn't a joking matter, but I'm not entirely joking when it comes to this lol.

First of all, I want to THANK so many of you who have been checking in on me. I am feeling completely unworthy of your dedication to my efforts. I actually got sick AGAIN. Seriously, I've never had so much illness in such a short time span. Someone told me that it could be that the fat cells I'm burning or releasing stored toxins making me sick? I don't know what it is, but it's really cramping my style.

I did have my stress test last Thursday though. Obviously I didn't keel over during that either. The best part of all was that I got to do it naked from the waist up in nothing but a paper superman cape! I know, I know...now you are ALL going to want and do it too aren't you?? I actually started out in a paper bolero jacket, but since it was sized for a regular sized person, as soon as I put my arms in it and tried to assume a normal position, it burst open at the seams like I was turning into the Hulk or something and became a much more fashionable superman cape; and let me tell ya...I was feeling pretty darn SUPER! I was thankful that the guy doing the heart ultrasound was neither a perky cheerleader OR extremely gorgeous. Nobody wants either one of THEM prodding your pudgy parts and moving breastages here and there to get to your thumper. I think he may have even been gay. I honestly think feeling me up most likely re-affirmed his decision to bat for the other team; either that or gave him plenty of nightmares for weeks following. He was nice about it though although I wanted to laugh every time he looked at me with a squinty pained expression and announced "I'm going to have to touch your breast now is that ok?" I told him it was fine as long as he didn't get that jelly on my superman cape.

Luckily, I was able to wear my shirt and bra for the actual stress test. I shudder to think what it would have looked like to have to do it topless. Thankfully, we were all spared that. I don't really have any solid information from the test but expect to hear back from the dr shortly. I think I may have an appointment with him on the 14th. The good thing is that I had some of those crazy heart things happen while I was there and she said they were normal. They are PVC's or PVT's or something like that. They usually happen to everyone, but I'm one of the few that actually feels them, lucky me!

The main thing I'm hoping to get more information about is the crushing throat feeling I get periodically. I don't know if this is related to my blood pressure or what, but it is SO uncomfortable when it happens and just a teensy bit scary. It almost feels as if someone has their hand lightly placed against my throat. My voice even changes a bit, gets more hoarse and "weird" sounding. I don't know if this will tell them what that is, but I will get a specific exercise program based on the stress test which should be interesting.

Other good news in the Super Squared Universe is that the YMCA pool is open! It's swimsuit season public style, just what every fatso looks forward to lol. I really don't care though...I mean, it isn't like I'm going there to pick up anyone. I'm hoping to take Tanner with me today and as much as I can this week. I had planned to go yesterday, but got had a headache that got worse as the day progressed. I probably could have still tried to go, but was paranoid that the sun would make it worse (overheating tends to trigger migraines for me). I honestly feel like I get a better workout at this pool and it's nice to do something fun with Tanner since I'm currently so limited.

Oh! And I had one goofy little NSA (is that what it's called? not referring to Nick shaped Angel here). I don't know what NSA stands for, but I think it refers to one of those "Aha! I'm skinnier moments" that surprises us now and then. Anyway, I had one the other day putting on my bra. Now this is embarrassing to admit, but it had started to get challenging to put my bra on. I either had to hook it at the front and then twist it around (causing a lovely red ring of "bra burn" if I was in too much of a hurry) OR I had to put it on and then lean one elbow up against a wall so that both hands could meet behind me to hook it that way. The other day, I was actually able to put it on and reach behind me to hook it up!!!! No fancy finagling necessary!!! I know..pretty lame, but it gave me a tiny little burst of happiness.

So, whats the "plan" for this week? Try to get back on track with my eating. I've not been doing so great honestly and I'm still hesitant to weigh myself :S I'm also hoping to get to the pool at least a few times this week and I may even give the treadmill another try. I'm feeling a bit lighter (not having so much trouble walking and when I wake up in the morning, I can walk so much easier) on my feet so I think its worth a shot.

I promise to also blog at least a few times this week just to keep me honest. Thanks again for all the SUPER support and well wishes!

Hugs from Super Squared!

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