I'm still here

I know I've been a very bad blogger. I'm definitely not going to be on Santa's good list of bloggers this year. Only coal in the cyber stocking for me :( I apologize though. I have just been very busy trying to get ready for this craft fair while working two jobs. Believe it or not, I am *just* now getting over the problem I had with the cyst that took forever to heal. I seriously never thought it would finally close completely but this past week it did. I am going to get back into the doctor just to make sure it is all ok, but it feels 100% better so I'm optimistic.

I meant to get on yesterday, but I actually ended up out shopping with my friend Shannon. YES! I actually got out of this house for the third or fourth time this month can you believe it? I wore makeup and everything see

We had to go to hobby lobby to get some stuff so that I could finish a twilight calendar I've been working on. I'll post some pictures when I get it done...so far, I really love how it's turning out and I'm not even a big fan of twilight.

You can see a few other things I've been working on at my etsy shop. I haven't uploaded much because I want to take most of it with me to the craft fair. Even with all I've finished, I still won't have much to actually sell, but I'm going to have some examples of my work, so at least I'll get my name out there a bit.

I'm still working on my website, but feel free to take a look and let me know what you think.

Erik recently got another job so that is the BIG news at our house lately. I've been begging him to get a second job for a while, but for various reasons, it just kept getting put off. I had a mini nervous breakdown the day he was contacted about this most recent job. He hadn't been good about changing out the filters in our A/C so when it stopped working, we called the landlord to fix it. Landlord realized it wasn't working because of the clogged filters. Landlord sends us a bill for $125.00. I was going through quite a bit at work and when he came in to tell me about the bill we got, I told him that I was done. I can't handle shouldering a majority of our financial needs anymore. I was tired of never being able to save any money because I was the only one that ever had the money to pay for tanner's school clothes or hearing aid repairs, etc. I literally packed up shop in the middle of the day and crawled back into bed. The next day, he got this incredible new job working as a Deaf Support Specialist (lucky for him lol...I finally told him that if he didn't get it, he was going to have to flip burgers somewhere, find something!!) So far, he loves it. I can't wait until we have more money rolling in though.

It will be nice to not have to live paycheck to paycheck. Honestly... it was getting to the point where our paychecks (due to various things) weren't even enough to pay our bills. He had missed a bunch of work at his main job due to stuff going on with Tanner, me being sick, etc so we had at least two pay periods where he didn't really bring home anything. My job has slowed way down and since most of my pay is commission, it meant that my paychecks were almost half what they should have been. It has been a looooooooooooooooooooong time since we've really had something good happen for us I almost forgot what it was like to be optimistic lol. Now, I'm budgeting and trying to prioritize how we are going to get ourselves out of this financial mess we are currently in. Keep your fingers crossed for us :)

Tanner is doing SO well at school. He's enjoying himself, making new friends, loves his teachers. That is some pretty awesome news for us too considering how the year started off. We were able to cancel our contract with the lawyers (which they were nice enough to do for us) which saved us $750.00.

I haven't weighed myself, but I don't feel like I've gained. I probably haven't lost, but I'm definitely getting more active lately. It is just what most would consider ADL's, but for me, it is activity that I haven't incorporated into my routine for quite some time. Believe me, if you aren't used to standing on your feet for periods of time, a trip to the store is quite an outing for you. I'm also working on strengthening right now, doing squats a few times a day and other exercises to strengthen my legs. I'm working on standing for longer periods when I do stuff around the house (cooking, cleaning). If we can take care of a few things financially, we hope to take Tanner to Disneyland some time next year and if I can't go on the rides because of my weight, I want to at least be able to walk as much as I want without the problems I have to endure now. So, that is my motivation at the moment...long term that is. Right now, I'd like to just be able to take over other stuff Erik's been doing like grocery shopping. It's probably crazy, but I really miss going to the grocery store. I love to cook and I really miss not being able to pick out everything myself. I guess we'll see...I've said this (or something like it) before. I guess I just need to keep plugging away...maybe eventually I'll get my butt in gear and make some progress.

How is everyone else doing? I need to catch up on my blog reading, I'm way behind!

Papa, this one is for you!

NOTE: ugggh, I've hung on to this stupid post for days meaning to bring my scrapbook up and scan a pic of my grandfather, but you can see where that has gotten me. Now my update needs an update. I figured I'd post this and try to get a picture for it later

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I spoke with my grandfather over the weekend and he kind of chewed my rear end about not posting much lately. Believe me, you don't want him annoyed with ya, so I figured I better post something pronto ;) That is him in the picture btw. He was a cutie wasn't he? Consider him your eye candy for today ;)

As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been busy with work. I work my fulltime job, a part time job and in whatever other time I have, I’ve been trying to get ready for a small craft fair this December as well as trying to get my website up and running. Honestly, I’m finding that it is difficult to really carve out enough time to get much done, but I’ve discovered that I can actually do my second job from my scrapdesk (when it isn’t too busy) and work on stuff in between “service requests” with my part time job. I still can’t quite manage to get as much done as I would like though.

I also haven’t posted as much because in addition to being fairly busy with work, I have had some health issues (what’s new there?) that have had me to and from the doctor 3-4 times in the last two weeks. For once, I won’t disgust you with all the gory details, but I have a wound that is taking it’s sweet time to heal. I initially tried using Neosporin on it and based on what my doctor said….Neosporin is worthless and unless you own stock in the company, should never be used. The wound was not in good shape to begin with and about two days into caring for it, I decided that maybe I should use Neosporin to speed the healing. Two days later, this wound was MUCH worse than it had been originally so I went to the doctor at GREAT urging from Erik. They had to actually had to do a minor little surgical procedure while I was there because they were concerned I had a pocket of infection below the actual wound so I’ve been going back every couple of days to have them look at it, been on anti-biotics, etc. It’s been fun, let me tell ya!

I also have an allergy to the adhesive used in medical tape or bandages so I started developing secondary “burns” in the area around the actual wound itself. At times, I felt like those hurt worse than the wound we were trying to treat. They honestly do feel like a burn. The good news is that the wound seems to finally be on the mend, but I can’t believe it is taking so long to get better.

Of course, a bit part of the reason it is taking so long is my weight. It is on the underside of my stomach and was most likely caused by a brief effort to get back on my treadmill. I hadn’t mentioned it on the blog or even to erik because I feel like I’ve said I was going to get going with it how many times over the past several months and nothing has happened. I figured if I actually had something to report, I’d let you know then! I only managed a few days and then developed this cyst. They are hereditary (people in my family get them whether they are skinny or fat) but they can be brought on by friction, etc. So, apparently the friction of my lovely stomach rubbing against my clothes caused the mother of all cysts. Luckily I don’t get them as often as my mom used to, but when I do they are awful. This one was particularly bad; probably one of the worst I’ve ever had. The doctor said that the location may get hypoxic too because it is on a part of my stomach that probably doesn’t get oxygenated due to my weight.

Anyway, it looks like its on the mend, but I have to wait until it is completely healed before I can try walking again. Until then, I’ve been doing periodic squats and just getting more overall daily activity just going to the doctor’s appointments, going to shop a bit at the scrap store, etc. I know its sad that I count stuff like that as an increase in activity, but it really is. I went to the scrap store a week ago and spent about 10-15 minutes on my feet before I had to sit down. Really, I needed to sit down within about 5 minutes, but I was too ashamed to walk back to the crop room that soon so I forced myself to walk a few aisles and then went and rested. Later that night I could feel it in my legs, etc. It felt like I’d actually gone and done a workout, but I suppose I’m in such poor shape that it probably was a workout for my poor body.

I don’t know where my rock bottom is, but I have a feeling I’m getting close. Last year about this time I was having a problem with my knee and this issue with this cyst/wound has kind of made me feel the same way. By rock bottom, I don’t mean depression really. I’ve actually been in rather good spirits despite the health issues, but when something like this happens, I see how little it takes to knock me right on my ass again. When I was having issues with my knee, I realized how easily it would be for me to wind up bedridden. With this cyst, I’m realizing how difficult it can be to turn things around…to get walking and start moving this snowball in the other freaking direction. It is a scary place to be, but let’s face it…I probably need the crap scared out of me more often. It might keep me motivated.

I’ve had oodles of stress at work that I will probably go into in another blog so while I’m not going insane with the eating, the last few days especially have found me finding some comfort in food. Luckily they aren’t binges, it is just a cookie here and there mostly…walmart has these cookies in their bakery that I think are infused with crack because as soon as I start to get overwhelmed with stress I get the urge for a fix lol. Sometimes I’m able to satisfy the urge with a healthier choice, but yesterday was a banner day stress wise so I asked erik (he’d probably say it was more like begging) to go get a few when he went for some other items we needed. I had tried everything else to to take the edge off …a 55 calorie beer, a small mini Hershey bar from Tanner’s Halloween stash, but my body was craving those darn cookies…what is up with that? How do you guys handle cravings like that when you are stressed to the gills? When you can’t really take a walk or whatever to help cope with the stress? I even tried deep breathing, etc. Anyway, have to get back to work (actually took me two days to write this entry because it’s been a madhouse at work).

There you go Papa! This entry should keep you busy for a while. BTW, I want you to start your own blog! I think I’m just going to ride your butt until you get one going ;) I want to hear more stories like the one you shared with me over the phone the other day. For my readers….my grandfather was a mohawk sportin’ hellion in his younger years. I’m almost afraid to hear what other stories he has rattling around in his closet lol.