Tuesday

Well, the MRI was a bust. Remember the last time I had to have an MRI done for my knee and I had a difficult time finding a place with a machine that would accommodate my size? This was part deux. I think the place I went to today was the the same first place I attempted an MRI at last time. I got there and the second I saw the machine, I thought ..."Yeah..this isn't going to work," but I let them try.

They had me lie down and get comfortable and THEN the tech realized that he forgot to undo some straps that I was now laying on. Instead of asking me to move, he just kept trying to yank them out from under my 400+ lb girth. I finally realized what he was trying to do and rolled to the side a bit to help him (duh?) get them out from under me. He raised me up to the level of the MRI and then called in for reinforcements. The tiny little receptionist came in and got on the other side of me, counted to three and then both of them PULLED on the mat I was laying on to bring me into the imaging area. "This thing isn't mechanicalized????!!" I asked. The male tech said "No, sorry ma'am." Again with the "1....2.....3...HEAVE!" and I was entering the chamber. "Well, I guess you two can skip the gym today right?" I swear, sometimes I think God has a think tank up there trying to decide how humiliating they can make these sort of experiences before I say "Hey, you know what? I should probably do something about this weight huh?" Let me just say that you must not go to hell for being a smartass with a sick sense of humor...apparently you just get all the fun jobs in heaven. I wouldn't be surprised if my mom and grandmother were heading this task force up lol.

Anyway, they get me half way into the chamber and while I fit, I had absolutely NO room to inhale. See, usually, the resting position for your diaphragm is curved. It sits right underneath your lungs and the middle portion is higher than the sides making it kind of like the top of an "O." When you inhale, your middle part of your diaphragm moves down allowing your lungs to expand and take in more air. This causes your abdomen to move outward as it accommodates the same amount of organs in a smaller space. Every time I went to take a breath of air, I felt like someone was was pressing on my abdomen making it impossible to get a full breath of air. I could NOT do this for 45 minutes. Five minutes into it, I was already hyperventilating and getting red in the face. So, attractive tech boy and chearleader receptionist girl get to HEAVE HO me back out of the machine and send me on my way. Sigh....so now I'm back to square one trying to figure out where I went for my last MRI. I'll keep you guys updated on when that gets rescheduled. For now, my doctor is reviewing my records and will get back to me asap.

Still doing my exercises and watching what I eat. I haven't exactly stuck to the shakes and lean cuisine, but calorically, I'm staying within my 1800 calories a day. I'm feeling better, but still have to be very careful about moving and bending at all. That's my update for today chik-a-dees! See you tomorrow xx

Monday

Well, monday is here and I was able to get out of bed this morning....YAY for that right? I stuck to my goals yesterday and managed to get my exercises in at bedtime. I don't feel any better today, but I don't feel any worse either. Tomorrow is my MRI and Im having a little anxiety about that. Mainly because I'm worried if 1. I'll fit in the machine there and 2. how long I'm going to have to lie there on my back. Lying on my back is probably the most challenging position for me because it makes it difficult for me to breathe and when you are having back trouble, it is probably the most painful position to be in. I usually need a pillow under my legs because if I stretch them out in front of me, it pulls on my back. Typically, they require that you have your legs straight out in front of you and honestly, I've had my back get WORSE after lying in this position for too long. Here's hoping they can get the images they need quickly.

I don't really expect the MRI to show any problems with my disc at this point. I've had a disk out before and I know what THAT feels like. What I am going through right now feels more muscular than anything else, but when your muscles are spasming, it is very easy to slip a disk. So, I guess, tomorrow we will see what happens.

My plan for the week

In an effort to foster some kind of accountability this week, I'm going to post my plan for this week and commit to posting at least once a day; no matter how short or boring it might be. So, for the record, here are my goals:

1. Meals are going to consist of two smoothie/shakes per day, a lean cuisine and fruit for snacks. I am hoping that this will help me get a jump start on getting more weight off (I had lost about 12 lbs the last time I stepped on the scale, but haven't checked recently..I'll get on the scale tomorrow and let you guys know where we are at).

2. Walk on the treadmill at least once a day. I'm not putting a certain number of minutes. I'm going to listen to my body and walk for as long as it feels comfortable and try to increase that by at least 5 seconds each day.

3. Do the initial back strengthening exercises here here at least once a day. BTW, if any of you can figure out what I'm supposed to be doing for the "ankle pumps" let me know. I thought they wanted me to raise them off the bed, but then they aren't much different from the straight leg raises are they? Also, do they want me to do 10 sets of 10? on each leg? I'm confused, but maybe that's the pain medicine I'm on interfering.

I also wanted to put your minds at ease about these exercises. I haven't exactly checked them out with my doctor, but most of them are exercises my physical therapist had me doing when I was having problems with my knees so I'm fairly sure I can't do too much damage. I ran through them all last night before I went to bed and none of them seem too taxing. The leg raises were probably the most challenging of the bunch, but I feel ok today (no better, no worse) so I'll just try to pay attention to how I'm feeling.

I go for an MRI on the 30th, this Tuesday so hopefully they will be able to see what is going on in there. I'm hoping it is just muscular at this point. Honestly, I have had my back go out entirely before so I know what incredible pain that causes. I'm not in that sort of pain, but I live in fear of my back going completely out because I know how difficult it was for me to get around when I was much thinner and more fit. I can't imagine how I would manage rolling over in bed at this size much less getting OUT of bed and walking around....I know it just won't happen. I will be in serious trouble. Methinks God has just soundly whacked me upside the head peoples.

SSDD

Well, wish I had a miracle to report, but no such luck. I worked a full shift, but was miserable the whole time. In addition to the back problem, I was also not feeling well and battled nausea and other fun stuff all day. Not sure if its because I’ve added a whole new handful of pills to my medication regimen. I’m feeling better now and was able to eat a salad this evening (I stuck mostly to toast and bananas earlier) so I’m hoping whatever was wrong with my stomach is working itself out.

I’m about a week into the back trouble. Good news is it isn’t getting worse, but it isn’t getting better either. Every day that I struggle with the back pain I obsess about how much LESS activity I’m getting because of it. Every time I get up from bed or out of my chair, it seems more and more difficult and it scares me. I find myself wondering if this is it…the injury that is going to slowly erode every last bit of muscle strength I have and leave me bedridden. I think that and then my next thought is “Michelle, don’t let your drama queen out, its only been a week!” Of course after chalking my fears up to being overly dramatic, I then begin to wonder if I’m allowing myself to steep in denial and maybe I SHOULD be scared that I may be slowly approaching the day when I won’t be able to get out of bed.

I’m also concerned because I know that this is going to delay my surgery. I found some really good exercises and I thank those of you who gave me some suggestions for other things I can do right now to strengthen my back. I started the back exercises today. One of the exercises is basically a squat where you have your back up against the wall. You squat, hold it for 5 seconds and repeat 10 times. By the 10th, my thighs were screaming. I’m going to do the initial exercises once a day for now and maybe try to work my way up to twice a day next week. If I can manage, I’m going to get back on the treadmill tomorrow. I’ll just walk until my back starts to feel tired and stop. I’m just bound and determined that this is NOT going to sideline me. Here’s hoping I can tread water until my back is better.

Update

I'm sorry I haven't been updating my blog. I've had a lot going on in the last few weeks; the move, crazy business with a friend who was in trouble, and now back problems.

I suspect the back problems were due to a new walking regimen I started. I had only been walking a few days, but my back was probably the first group of muscles to start screaming while I was on the treadmill. I would only walk 5 minutes at a time, but I guess that was enough to tire them out and cause them to start spasming. It hasn't gone completely out and the doctor has me on amrix, ibuprofin and vicodin, but that doesn't seem to be doing a damn thing. It helps the pain, but it isn't correcting the problem. He has scheduled me for an MRI next tuesday so he doesn't want to give me the meds I think will really help (mobic and skelexin have always helped in the past) because he doesn't want to skew any results the MRI will pick up. In the meantime, I can barely walk, going to the bathroom has become an almost impossible feat since it is extremely difficult to get up and down from a seated position, and I'm truly terrified of what will happen if my back goes completely out. I can't help but worry about the fact that being in bed or in a recliner all day is only further reducing my activity which will lead to more muscle strength lost, etc. I'm scared to death that this may be the injury that puts me in bed for good and I'm pissed at myself for screwing off this last year. I had back trouble even when I was at my thinnest and fittest, but I know that the weight I have on my body now is only going to make dealing with it that much harder.

I found some exercises that I've started trying to do in bed (for my back) so I'm hoping maybe that will help. If anyone has any other ideas, medication that might work, etc, I'm WAY receptive to anything you might share.

I need a NO DRAMA button guys!!!

Seriously seriously seriously! I don't have time to go into EVERYTHING that has happened since I posted last, but just so you know I'm not abdicating my blogging duties for frivolous reasons, in a nutshell, we have had to move, nurse a suicidal friend, find homes for suicidal friend's four dogs and kinkajou, put up with LOADS of grief from suicidal friend for permanently placing her mastiff (that was 20 lbs underweight by the time we got her some help), and I've start a third job to pay for all the new unexpected costs. We now just learned that Thunder, our sweet little lab is probably going to need to have a very expensive procedure performed on his ear because we can't get rid of an infection and he is just miserable :(

Needless to say, I have been a ball of nerves the last few weeks, eating like crap, need to step on a scale to see where I'm at. I know guys, always something comes along and derails me, but I LET myself get derailed. I'm trying to regroup now and get back on the diet. I'm still considering surgery, but need to get the 30 lbs off first. My primary is suggesting that I try HCG (he hopes to get it in the next few weeks) and since I have a friend doing HCG, I may try it. Who knows, if it works as well for me as it seems to be working for her, I may not need the surgery.

I am still trying to finish getting moved so I can't promise I'm going to be promise that I'm going to be blogging regularly over the next week, but I hope to update at length what has been going on the last 2-3 weeks.

It may sound like all bad news, but there are some positive things here and there. I hope to fill you in on some of those too in the next few weeks. Hang in there with me.....I'm not giving up!


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