My Progress!

Friday, August 21, 2009

A "funny" thing happened on the way to this blog...

I was actually getting a head start on today’s blog last night. I was sitting in my office, sipping a diet coke, working the last few minutes of my shift at my second job and putting the finishing touches on what would have been today’s blog. Erik had just come upstairs to watch a little TV with me before bed when I took another sip of my drink.

For as long as I can remember, I have had intermittent swallowing problems. As much food as I’ve swallowed over the years, you would think that if I was going to choke it was going to be on a twinkie…maybe a big bite of steak, you know…the stuff normal people choke on. Nope, not me..I never choke on food….only on liquids. Erik has made fun of me in the past for inhaling my own saliva and we’ve both joked that I’m going to be the first person to die from saliva aspiration. Last night, I went to swallow and a small bit of coke went “down the wrong pipe” and before I knew it, I was coughing like crazy. I still had coke in my mouth so I remember grabbing my cup, spitting the last bit back into the glass so that I didn’t inhale any more and then …that’s it. The next thing I remember, Erik is standing over me, gripping my hand and calling my name with the most horrified expression on his face.

I felt strange…part of my face almost felt paralyzed and for a second I couldn’t move. I remember looking at him and saying “What?” Part of me remembered coughing and having trouble getting my breath and that crazy part of yourself that is almost embarrassed when you have one of those ugly coughing fits was like “What? Why are you freaking out, I’m just coughing!” but as I came out of it, I knew that something else had happened. Erik kept asking me if I was ok and then said “Michelle, have you had all your meds today? You just had a seizure.” I looked at him for a moment and said “I was just coughing Erik…” he interrupted me and said “Michelle, you dropped your glass, balled your fists up and were kicking your legs and had a seizure are you sure you are ok?” Apart from feeling a bit sick to my stomach and being drenched in diet coke, I felt fine. I got up to go change, ended up taking a shower and came back to find Erik sitting in silence in my office. I asked him if he was ok and of course he said “No.” He added that HE felt like he wanted to throw up.

I tried to reassure him and told him that I think the seizure happened because of the lack of oxygen due to the coughing fit. I’ve never had that happen to me before, but when I googled “seizures and lack of oxygen” we learned that you can, in fact, have a one time seizure due to lack of oxygen. I don’t think this helped ease his mind though and part of me felt awful. I realized that he probably thought I was having a stroke or heart attack or something. He said when he saw my hands clench up, all he could think about was Tanner when he had meningitis. Many times when the neurological system is assaulted in some way, the body will posture depending on the part of the brain affected. The arms may flex up towards the body with fists made my tucking the thumbs under the fingers…you probably are most familiar with posturing in people with neuromuscular disorders. With Tanner, his thumbs were tucked into his fists and when Erik saw my hands clench up, I’m sure he had a flashback to when Tanner was sick. I am also aware that Erik probably spends quite a bit of time just “waiting” for something bad to happen to me because of my weight. I felt and still feel like crap because I saw how shaken he was by the experience. I tried to joke it off, because that is what we do in our family…crack jokes about things that just aren’t funny…but he wasn’t having any of it.

This morning he is unnaturally quiet. He said he didn’t really sleep and I actually saw him walk past my office back to bed. *sigh* I realize the seizure wasn’t my fault, and even if I was a size 8, it probably still would have freaked him out, but for about 10 seconds last night, I think he thought he was watching me die. I still can’t wrap my brain around how that must have been for him. I can only imagine how horrified I would have been if the tables had been turned and it had been me standing over him mid-seizure.

I called my doctor this morning and he seems to think that I was right in my diagnosis (what do I need him for when I have the internets lol?). I’ll just see how I do this weekend. If I have any more problems, I’ll either go to the ER or call him on Monday. Poor Erik though…I think I owe him a six pack or something. Was I lying when I said someone should write a sitcom about my life? I can’t even have a normal coughing fit without major drama lol.


♥ Dee ♥ said...

Good Lord!!!

Definately a six pack. Or a little sumthin sumthin. That man needs to be reassured that you are alive and well.

My Big Fat Super Super Obese Blog said...

LMAO Dee. My husband is gay/questioning his sexuality/whatever remember? That might make him reach for another six pack ;) Poor guy though. We talked a bit more a little while ago and he did say that he realized the seizure wasn't related to my weight, but it just made him think about what it would be like if something serious happened to me. Regardless of what has happened in regards to our marriage, I know he does love me and would probably miss me a little bit if i died. Luckily, I think it may have been a combination of the lack of oxygen and maybe me screwing around with my meds.

"Rosie Young" said...

One night I was eating some cheap tough beef and I choked on a piece. I was sitting in a couch with my back to the wall and my husband ran over and punched me in the stomach. Not very glamorous but it did the trick. I don't believe I've eaten roast beef since! And he was scared later--it happened so fast neither of us really processed it while it was going on.

Kate said...

Wow, that's quite a Diet Coke! Yes, that scene probably could show up on a sitcom :)

cmoursler said...

Glad your not dead, and as inappropriate as this is to say...good job on drinking diet coke instead of coke...yeah I said Hope you keep moving towards your goals.

ultracreep said...

You keep apologizing in your blog as if it's your fault you had a seizure. It's good that your husband was concerned, a normal response, and though I can understand you not wishing him to be frightened,you didn't do it on purpose. I see so much of my former self in you. Us fat girls are so used to apologizing for everything, as if any unfortunate incident is directly attributable to us. We tend to feel like bad people for inconveniencing anyone. You really, really got to work on the self esteem, and I know that's hard, but if you want to accomplish anything, I find that to be the very first step.

My Big Fat Super Super Obese Blog said...

rosie: That is hilarious about your husband. Glad it worked, but geez, I hope you punched him back at least ;)
cmoursler: I was wondering if someone would comment about it being diet; thanks for not disappointing me ;)
Ultracreep: I know its ridiculous to apologize for something I couldn't control, but I just felt so bad..he was really traumatized by the whole thing. You are right...we do tend to apologize for BEING don't we? I'm doing what I can to work on the self esteem, can you believe it actually used to be worse? hard to imagine isn't it?