My Progress!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Big Binge

I feel like crap today. I’ve spent the better part of the last few days in bed. I can’t tell if this is a migraine or allergies/sinuses or what, but it has been a long time since I had a headache like this. I was thinking migraine because Thursday I experienced the mental fog I usually get pre-migraine, but it has been so long since I had one that I didn’t recognize it for what it was. I just thought that I was overly tired or something.

Friday I had to leave work early because I got to where I couldn’t focus visually and my headache was pretty bad. I slept for hours and was supposed to go for a walk with my friend Shannon and while I felt better, I didn’t want to tempt the headache fairies by getting my heart rate up so we took the dogs to the dog park instead. I ended up going to bed early because the headache came back and the next day was pretty much a repeat (leave work early, sleep most of the day and continue on that night with a headache).

I’ve had lots of people suggest Zyrtec D so I’m going to see if Erik can run to the pharmacy when he wakes up and get me some. There is some slight burning in my nose and above my right eye and even my neck feels kinked up, but that could be all the sleeping I’ve been doing. I just don’t like feeling this way for this long.

On a lighter note, I’m down to 300 this morning so we may pass into the land of the 200’s very soon. Because of the headache, I obviously haven’t been having my nightly glass of wine. I have no idea if that has anything to do with it, but it is an interesting observation.

One thing I haven’t talked about is my BIG BINGE. Yes, it happened. I mentioned it on my facebook status so if you are there, you know about it. Apparently oreo cookies can slide right through my stomach fairly quickly and, for whatever reason, a few nights ago, I sat there and ate almost a whole package of double stuffed oreos all by myself. I was under a lot of stress due to the car situation, tanner, erik, the relationship I was in, etc. As you saw in my venting post…nothing was really “working” the way it was supposed to. I guess the good thing is, I realized ( a bit late) what I was doing, closed the package and stopped. Before, I would only stop once I ran out of oreos. The next day, the package was still there, but I refrained from having any more and was right back on program.

I had purchased the oreos to make these cookies and cream cupcakes—probably one of the most requested out of all the cupcakes I make. I was in the mood to bake and wanted to make something special for Greg and his daughter since he had mentioned she was really into cupcakes…since we broke up I’ve found myself wondering if they didn’t wind up in the trash instead :(. I made the cookies and cream cupcakes and then these peanut butter cup-cakes (chocolate cake with peanut butter fudge filling, pb frosting and a reeses cup on top)..two dozen of each…yeah, I’m a glutton for punishment obviously. I did good though, I only sampled one or two over the weekend and gave away most to neighbors and friends.

So, while I’ve had plenty of temptation and plenty of stress this weekend, I haven’t experienced another binge, but I’ve also spent a good portion of the weekend in bed. I’m on the lookout for it though. I realize the urge is still there so here is hoping that awareness and commitment and the lure of the 200’s being within my grasp will keep me out of trouble.


Robin said...

well, first of all CONGRATS! on getting down to 300... thats pretty damn awesome! Second.. use the "200's" as your motivation to keep going and push yourself even harder... When you go for that binge.. ask yourself .. "is it really worth it" Keep your eye on the prize and you'll be great!

p.s. good for youfor being able to eat only 1 or 2 of those delicious sounding cupcakes.. I dont think I could have controlled myself. I stay away from that stuff altogether because I am still kinda weak in that area, so I dont gie myself the option.
Love reading your blog... keep it up girl!!

Christine said...

hey michelle, I did read that facebook update. And when you are in the mindset like that it's hard to visualize what you want cause you are stuck in what got you there to begin with...but the most important thingis you stopped and you moved on...Good job.
299, here you come.

Kevin said...

I am glad to see that I am not the only person to ever sit down and polish off (or in this case, nearly polish off) a bag of oreos. It blows my mind when I go on a binge -- although they are thankfully extremely rare and have happened only a few times in my life. It's like, I know I am not hungry. I know I am not enjoying the food. I know I should stop... but I keep eating. And then I might even get up and make something else. Even though I know there is no reason to. It can make me feel pretty powerless.

But, like you demonstrated, even at our worst times... we're never truly powerless. With enough strength, we can stop our self-destructive behaviors... if not before they start, at least before they reach their conclusion.

Still... now I really want some oreos. LOL

Karen@WaistingTime said...

Oh those cupcakes... they sound so yummy. I avoid baking as much as I can because my willpower with the wafting scent in the air is so lacking. I hope you feel better soon.

Laurie ( said...

Hi Michelle - Congrats on 300 and being right on the brink of being in the 200s. Your binge sounded very controlled at least... just dust yourself off and move on!
Please add me on FB -

I'm further behind on my blog reading than I'd like to admit, but that may help me keep up to date!

Anna @ Connecticut Weight Loss Surgery said...

I recently read an article about bariatric surgery patients' journey being compared to athletes' attempt to maintain the comfort this is you getting out of your comfort zone...this means that you still can get back to it, your weight is a proof that you were able to do it so many times :)..your state of mind is so important in these moments