My Progress!

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Changes, changes and more changes

I know I should be blogging more. The last several months have really seen me coming face to face with SO many of the things that have contributed to my weight gain over the years. I think that is why I’ve been trying to “distract” myself in various ways…to avoid really having to deal with these issues. That was probably fairly obvious to you guys, not so obvious to myself.

Abandoning my blog was another avoidance tactic I’ve discussed before; because it is often here where I come face to face with a lot of these issues. Avoid the blog….continue to live in lala land.

A weight update: I am at 301 today. Nope, still haven’t managed to get under 300, but I continue to walk and I’m really enjoying the activity. I hope to get our bikes soon so that will be another thing we can add to our activity list.

They found our car, but we are still waiting to hear from the insurance company about what they plan on doing with it (fixing it…it had two flat tires, but I don’t know if there was any other damage). I should know something by Monday. I honestly don’t know what we will do either way since the car is on its last leg. I’m kind of hoping that we will just be able to fix the tires and drive it until it stops and in the meantime, I’m just going to do my best to save up for a new car so that it can be replaced when the time comes.

Another problem when it comes to the car situation is I don’t want to share a car with Erik anymore. I’m really beginning to feel some resentment when it comes to our whole financial situation because he just doesn’t seem all that concerned. At least not concerned enough to get some additional work to make sure he can pay his bills each month. The last two pay periods he’s been about $200 short of what he owes me. The last pay period, he managed to borrow some money to make up the difference, this time, he’s waiting for his student loan money to come through. In the meantime, the bills still have to get paid so guess who gets to take on some more work to make sure they get paid? Luckily, my good friend Nick got me a job editing some documents that pays pretty well so hopefully, I’ll be ok this month.

Speaking of work, a friend of mine may be able to help me get a better job outside the home. She works for a college here in town and they need admissions counselors. She loves what she does and I think I would be great for the job. A lot of the programs at this particular college are medical in nature and I certainly think that I could sell someone on the value of an education. I sent in my resume and the woman who does the interviewing told Tracy several times how pleased she was with my resume. The pay will get me back making about what I was making when I was with the American Cancer Society which will mean a substantial increase in pay for me which I think we can all agree would be VERY WELCOME! Apparently her boss has been incredibly busy because I haven’t heard from her yet, so keep your fingers crossed for me.

I would love to get a job working outside the home. I really NEED to get out of this house. It is going to cause some problems with the car situation and managing Tanner though. I think Tanner will be fine, there may be a few nights where he’d have to take care of himself for a few hours until I got home; most nights I’d probably get home within an hour of him arriving home. The car situation is going to be the worst, but I’m at the point now where I think it is high time Erik started trying to figure out some of these things. I’m the one that always seems to be trying to figure out how we are going to juggle tanner, transportation, etc. I figure he can start looking up bus schedules, find a job closer to home that he can walk/ride a bike to or talk to his mom about co-signing on a car or something for him. Of course then he has to figure out how to pay for the car, but again…not my problem.

One additional update…I am now single again. It is a good thing though. I still have lots of work to do and I think it will be work best accomplished without the distraction of a relationship. One thing I don’t think I will ever do again is the internet dating thing. One thing I realized through this whole experience is I don’t NEED a significant other to be happy. I’m not looking for someone to complete me or fill some void inside me. Don’t get me wrong, if a great guy came along I wouldn’t blow him off, but I’m not necessarily seeking it out. As a matter of fact, I think I’ve officially revoked my rights to pick any future prospects for the foreseeable future. At least for now, I still don’t trust my judgment when it comes to men. Sometimes I think I’m going to have to limit my prospects to fellow Str8s lol. At least then, I can be fairly sure of myself and I think another str8 will understand where I am coming from.

I will continue to do the meetup thing because it really is so much fun! I’ve made so many new friends and I’m getting out and trying new things, going new places, etc.

Thanks to those of you who commented on my last blog. I plan on exploring some of the points Chris brought up in future blogs. She’s right, those questions are at the “meat” of the issue…that is what I have to figure out for myself so that I can truly move on with my life. *Sigh* sounds so easy…

1 Comment:

Christine said...

not easy....worth it.
I had to ask a lot of hard questions I really didn't want the answer to. but once I got those answers I was FREE to finally change them and my misperceptions about nearly everything that I had carried with me. It's hard and worth it.
Big hugs..great idea on waiting on the dating. You will heal and then stumble into a big ole someone.
hang in there.