My Progress!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Kudos & Kvetching: What better combination is there?

Guess who just walked to the end of her street and back? Yeah! That badass in question would be ME, yours truly, moi!! I looked like hell, was breathing like a whale in heat and collapsed as soon as I got through my front door, but I made it :) Before you get tooooooo proud of me, “the end of my street and back” means “from my front door to the closest end of my street and back.” If I turn right at the end of my driveway, it is about .2 miles to the end of my street which means if we kinda sorta round up just to make me feel even MORE awesome…I walked almost a freaking HALF A MILE in about 7-10 minutes!!!! Remember when I couldn’t get to the end of my driveway and back? I was feeling super crappy prior to the walk (more on this later), but now I feel like SUPERWOMAN *big grin* Yeah, going to have to change the name of my blog any day now ;)

I was really surprised at how much more of a workout it was walking on the street vs. walking on the treadmill. I decided to go outside today for a few reasons; first of all, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and frustrated and felt like the fresh air and sunshine might perk me up. Second, I really want to work towards being able to take a decent walk with Tanner in the evenings. Third, my pre-surgery goal for walking is to be able to walk 10-15 minutes at a stretch. After my surgery, I know that walking is going to speed healing and improve my chances for getting back to a decent workout faster so I want to be able to manage a fair distance before the surgery. I’ve been walking on the treadmill off an on, but usually use the supports to help support my upper body. I won’t have those bars to help me out when I’m at the hospital. All the core work I’ve been doing in the pool and at home must really be helping because my back didn’t get tired until I was almost home and I didn’t feel that horrible PULLING feeling (of my stomach pulling on my upper torso area….almost made it difficult to breath decently when walking) I felt just a month ago when I walked. If I don’t reach my pre-surgery weight loss goal, I think I may at least meet my pre-surgery fitness goal.

As of this morning I’m at 429 btw, so nice to be back under 430 again. For those of you keeping track, I have to be at 416 by surgery time. Yeah…I’m sweating it too. 13 pounds I have left to lose in about as many days (today is officially 2 weeks to D-day). The good news is that I FINALLY made it through one full day on that sadistic pre-surgery diet after flubbing on it for a week or two. For the last few weeks, I’ve been managing to make it through the day (remember I’m allowed one 8 oz shake for breakfast and one for lunch NO other food or snacks in between), but come the evening when I’m supposed to have my meal of 3 oz of protein and a small serving of green/low carb vegetables I go INSANE. I mean really, by the time dinner comes, I am so hungry, I am literally nauseous and that little meal is just enough to send my existing hunger into overdrive. What I usually end up doing is overindulging (volume-wise) in healthy foods; maybe I have a lean cuisine and 2.5 servings of broccoli or wind up eating something carby in addition to too much of something else. I still end my day under 1500 calories, but part of why I have to do this diet is to shrink my stomach and if I’m overfilling it, I’m overfilling it no matter whether it is broccoli or enchiladas.

So, what I started doing yesterday in regards to the diet is I flipped it on its head. Instead of having my meal at the end of the day, I start off with the meal, but I wait to eat it until my lunch time. I know…it is never a good idea to skip breakfast, but I’m not really hungry until about 11am and my days are usually long since I work during the day and then 2-3 hours at night before bed as well. I have some coffee in the morning as I start my work day and then at lunch made some tuna with pickles and egg whites and then ate a tennis ball sized portion with a small side salad. I didn’t have time to grab a shake before going to work out, but I wasn’t ravenous (this was about 5pm) so I just grabbed one when I got home. I showered, spent a bit of time with Tanner and then worked two hours before going to bed around 11pm. I didn’t even get the second shake in :S I’m going to make a more concerted effort to get both in today. I’m thinking that I can possibly lose at least 13 lbs over the next two weeks on this kind of diet, especially if I continue the workouts; if for no other reason than it kind of automatically limits my salt intake so I should lose most of any water weight I’ve been hanging on to.

I mentioned earlier that I was in kind of a crabby mood and was going to fill you in, but here we are several hundred words later lol. In a nutshell, I accidentally (duh, who does it on purpose?) overdrew my bank account; partly due to error (we paid our security deposit in 3 installments and I thought they had all gone through….turns out the last $500 check hadn’t) and partly due to the fact that I can only make up SO MUCH slack financially in our budget. Erik’s second job isn’t working him at all over the summer and he isn’t exactly jumping through hoops trying to find something to make up the difference in the meantime. I’m keeping a running tab now of what I pay for that he should be paying for and he IS paying me back whenever he can, but if he doesn’t have the money, he doesn’t have it.

So, I wasn’t expecting to be out that $500 or the fees I was charged for payments that were authorized which means that coming up with my down payment for the surgery just got *that* much more complicated. As it stands, I’m concerned about whether it is even possible to get the money together at this point. I wanted to have a garage sale and erik is going through the garage as we speak trying to see what we want to sell, but I’m really not sure how much we can make on our random crap.

I also have a handful of jewelry scrap gold (broken chains, bracelets, charms I don’t wear anymore, Erik’s wedding bands) that I’m going to sale at a local place that buys gold. For family members that read my blog, I’m NOT selling anything that has any sentimental value to me and certainly nothing that ever belonged to my grandmother or mom. I just wish I could find MY wedding set. It wasn’t anything extravagant, but I wouldn’t mind getting rid of that for some cash. I lost it right around the time we split up ironically enough…oh well. If worse comes to absolute worst, I know of at least two people I could probably ask to help me get the money together, but I’d really rather not have to do that.

What irritates the crap out of me is that there are at least two people that owe me money (one owes me $500 and the other owes me $200), but one is a “friend” with a relapsed drug habit who happens to be in jail at the moment and the other is an individual who knows I need money right now and have for the last several years and chooses to spend it on everything BUT any debt she might owe me. So yeah, I’ve pretty much given up on ever seeing a penny of either amount. I try and remind myself that if I had to do it over again (loan the money), I probably would because there were higher purposes for each loan, but I suppose what upsets me more is that I know both parties have had the means to pay me back for several years running, just not the desire. That is what it is difficult to let go of. Anyway, moving on. Good grief, my “nutshell” explanation took four paragraphs…I’m hopeless.

Since I don’t want to end this post on a downer, did I mention I walked almost HALF A FREAKING MILE on my own today? Yay me!


Flabby McGee said...

that's awesome! :) I used to not able to go to the end of my street either, and now I can walk for 2 miles - without the lower back pain I used to get. Feels great, don't it?! You go!

Allan said...

Congrats on the start. I have a question... If the pre-surgery diet is impossible to follow, why do you feel that you will be able to follow the post surgery plan ? Just wondering what will make that happen, as the actual surgery won't help you not want to eat.

Anonymous said...

Excellent job on your walking! It will definitely help you post surgery; you will have to ambulate before they let you go home and it will also prevent blood clots.

To the last poster who commented on how you will stick to the diet after surgery, you will not have as much trouble because you will not be able to hold even 1500 calories at first. You will be just fine!

Dominique said...

I congratulate you for such positive handling in your stressful moment! (You fared a lot better than I did the other day!) Sure, you always hear that exercise improves your mood, but I didn't realize how multifaceted the improvements would be. I feel good/proud because I am doing the work needed to lose weight. I get to greet people- and be greeted in return. And I see some really beautiful and amazing things- things that make me laugh and things that make me think. Getting out and around, even if it's just down the block to begin with, is such a joy! Keep up the great work!

Allan said...

Ms Anonymous, REALLY ? 1500 calories... Two days of food on the diet she will follow. And your medical training and psychiatric training tells you that she is hungry, and that is why she eats... Really....Not so much... I wish everyone well, and I pray you find a solution. Remember, the pre-surgery diet is to be followed, not modified, and if it cant be followed to not have surgery !!!

My Big Fat Super Super Obese Blog said...

FM: It feels awesome! It's empowering and definitely motivating me :)
Allan: read my blog tomorrow for most of my response lol :) As far as following the pre-surgery diet and not making doctor is the one that suggested moving my meal to another time of day. That is really all I've done. I'm still doing two shakes and one small meal a day, I'm just having my meal earlier and the shakes toward the end of the day. Same calories, same volume at each "meal" etc.
Anonymous: Next to dying on the operating table, I'm most worried about developing blood clots which is what has really motivated me to get my body in as good as shape as possible for the surgery. I've also been somewhat concerned about my heart, but I think I will be in better shape by the 29th.
Dominique: haha THIS time I handled it the appropriate way :) I'm going to try to go just a little bit further tomorrow.

Kim said...

I left you a little something over on my weight loss blog. :)

KrysTros said...

You're doing great! Do you have to see a dietician/nutritionist prior to surgery? I had alot of problems with the 500-700 calorie diet pre-op. So she added more steamed veggies and chicken broth to my diet which put it around 800 calories. Reading that you are eating 1500 calories "wows" me but I can see that they are taking your starting weight into account. Try talking to your dietician/nutritionist about making substitutions or adding in some broth for when the cravings are really bad.

Karen Butler Ogle said...

Hi, I'm new to your blog but wanted to address something Allan said. He has a very valid point. I would caution anyone who is about to have surgery that getting your food under control before surgery will only be an asset to you later. I'm 16 months post gastric bypass. The surgery, no matter which you are planning to have, will only give you a smaller stomach and rearrange your small intestine. It WILL NOT fix your head or magically cure your eating issues or your compulsion to over eat. I had about 6 months of magic. For 6 months, I wasn't hungry. Then my appetite came back with a vengeance. I read enough about surgery before hand to know these things before I jumped in. I set up therapy before surgery to work on my issues. Surgery is not a cure all and whatever underlying issues you have will still be there. It is very possible to eat around the surgery. If you have to wait longer for surgery, use the time wisely and prepare. Talk to as many postops as you can. Get the real story. Find a therapist. Stack the deck in your favor.
I wish you the best.

My Big Fat Super Super Obese Blog said...

Kim: You are such a sweetheart! Thanks so much :) I'm going to have to read more of your blog, but I love your writing style :)
Krys: what do you mean you were wowed by the 1500 calories? When I mentioned that I just meant that even when I DON'T stick to the plan and "binge" I'm still under 1500 cal, but my doc wants me closer to 500-800. the 1500 only happens when I'm a bad girl lol.
Karen: I kind of figured that that is where Allan is coming from and thank you so much for offering your perspective. I know the hunger isn't going away forever and some never lose it. The head hunger is never going away and all the stress and problems that trigger my binges aren't going away either. The other day I blogged a little bit about this and plan on posting another blog devoted to this topic later today. I'm already getting my "ducks in a row" (finding a therapist, attending support group meetings, staying in touch with my nutritionist, working with an exercise physiologist, etc). My goal for the surgery is just to give me a slight advantage in the with the initial hunger or at the very least...physically LIMIT what I can ingest. I really think that once I get the ball going in the other direction, I can do the rest of the work. I just need a little help getting it going if that makes sense.

KrysTros said...

I wanted to add another thing, I totally know what Karen is talking about. I have what I think is out of control hunger. I don't eat except at meals and after a workout. After my workouts I eat oatmeal b/c it fills my pouch and it makes me fill full. (i really hate oatmeal though) There are times when I will fill my plate with food or order so much in a resturant and then I look at my husband and tell him how my eyes are literally bigger than my stomach. I don't eat it all but I still have the mentality of someone who eats a lot. I always think that if I order the small portion, it will not fill me up when in reality, the cup of soup comes out before my meal and after eating most of it I am done!