Sorry if I weirded anyone out with the end of my post yesterday. I realize that it doesn't appear to have much to do with weight loss, but it has definitely been a HUGE factor in what has shaped my self confidence up to this point and as I said...it was cathartic just to get it out there as I've had to cope with it silently for several years.
I don't blame my ex-husband for my weight problem because I've had one my whole life, but someday I may do a lengthier post about how it affected my sense of self worth and overall self image to have a man I seemed to click with in every way, but one. I think I've said it before, but it really drove home the fact that there was something about me that was fundamentally "unlovable." I think I'm dealing with this now, but it is certainly something I have to overcome. I've spent the better part of my life wondering what it was about myself that wasn't "enough" for him. That leaves lots of ugly feelings you have to stash in some deep dark place. I stashed them and then camouflaged the hole with twinkie wrappers and the detritus of many many fast food meals. I think at some point I just gave up trying to figure out WHAT I could do to make him love me and just started drowning my sorrows the best way I knew how...with food.
I'm actually getting ready to go to bed and I'm exhausted because I went to the pool with Tanner today! I wore 80 proof sunscreen and I think I still managed to get a burn! Whats up with that? Craziness! We had a great time, Tanner played Marco Polo with a group of kids almost the whole time and had a blast. When it was his turn, they would splash water toward him instead of saying "polo" so that he could find them lol. He was often "it" forever, but it had nothing to do with his hearing....he's just like his momma....slow as freaking molasses! It was nice to see him enjoy himself like that. He doesn't have a lot of friends.
We ate dinner (a sandwich) before we left and we stopped by McDonalds on the way home and each got a frozen yogurt cone (100 cal. yay!). When I suggested stopping for ice cream, Tanner said "I thought we weren't eating stuff like that anymore?" so I told him that it was frozen yogurt and not ice cream. Tanner kept insisting that he didn't want frozen "yogurt" he wanted the regular ice cream so I finally said "ok, ok, I'll get you the ice cream and me the frozen yogurt!" just to shut him up! Of course I handed him the cone, let him taste it and asked him what he thought, he said "It's good, I love vanilla!" I looked at him and said "That's frozen yogurt silly!!" He replied "oh?" and kept on eating. Crazy kid! I can't believe he's almost taller than me now :( No fair!
P.S. Does everyone get the picture? hehe
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