My Progress!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Remember Me?

I know I've been horrible as of late when it comes to updating my blog. I'm almost embarrassed to tell you all the ways I've found to completely WASTE what little leisure time I have. The picture I've included above, is one very unproductive, but addictive habit I've's called "Farmtown." Basically, in Farmtown, you start off with a little farm; you plow your fields, plant your crops and then go to market, where you hire other farmers to come harvest your fields which you then sell to finance more farming and fixing up your farm. I know it sounds silly, but it's very easy to become addicted to something like that even when you have a life, when you don' becomes your life!

Lately, I'd really had a nagging sense of how much time I was wasting and how much of my REAL life I was frittering away tending this silly cyber farm! I wasn't just taking time away from the goals I had set for myself, but also from those around me. I wasn't doing the sorts of things I wanted to be doing with my son. I wasn't working out, I wasn't even watching my diet anymore. Forget falling off the wagon, my fat arse BROKE the wagon and I didn't even care about fixing it. I haven't weighed myself yet, but I will later today and I will report the damage. I'm hoping I'm not back at square one, but be ready for some bad news.

I've also made some new goals and set some new rules for myself in hopes to get back in the game. First off, I blog before I spend any time doing anything else in my "leisure" time. That means no reading, no playing farmtown, no anything until I update my blog. I may not have a heck of a lot to say everytime I update, but I know that there are those of you out there who have been extremely supportive of my efforts and I kind of feel like I let you guys down just dropping out for over a month.

I wanted this blog to chronicle my efforts and my failures in hopes that maybe I can identify WHY I can't seem to get this weight off. What is my biggest obstacle? I'm beginning to realize that the biggest obstacle is ME. I need to stop putting my head in the sand and checking out like this. It is definitely a pattern. Sometimes I throw myself into work scheduling 60-80 hour weeks that leave no time for anything other than eating and sleeping. Sometimes its losing yourself in a cyber farm. Regardless, I find something that allows me to just check out of my "real life" so that I can forget that my "real life" basically just consists of waking up each morning, making my way to my office to work, then downstairs later to spend some time with Tanner and maybe finish off with an hour or two to myself before it starts all over again the next day. So many of my days I don't even step foot outside, unless of course I'm making a run to the nearest fast food place for dinner....which we've been doing a lot of lately too. It really is a sad existence. I'll go into more of this over the next week. Who in their right mind would want to be PRESENT for this kind of life?

So, although I haven't been "in the game" much at all over the last month or so, I have had moments where I could feel that part of me that wants MORE gently nagging at the back of my mind, urging me to snap out of it...and here I am. I have to be honest with you, I'm not feeling all powerful or coming to you with "I CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS" attitude. At the moment, I'm just thinking...this is a first step and I did it. Here's hoping I can keep putting one foot in front of the other until I'm walking confidently towards a new me.


Anonymous said...

I can very much identify with this feeling you're having. Wanting my blog to show me where I went wrong but then avoiding it when I know things aren't going right. All you can do is keep plodding along. Things will improve. As long as you keep doing the right things, your attitude will swing back around the right way...but for now you're going to have to push. Instead of your actions following your attitude (motivation, etc), your mindset is going to have to follow your actions. It will...but it might not happen right away. Hang in there!

that TOPS lady said...

Rebuild your wagon and start traveling again. You can do it! How has your health been? I know you had a lot of sickness back to back a while ago......seems like maybe that is over now?/// I hope so!

Val said...

That's such a hard part of blogging. It needs to be transparent to be effective, but it's hard to blog when you feel bad about your actions.

You mention one foot in front of the other, and it's very true-slow and steady wins the race! It's good to have you back, and we're rooting for you!!

Ria said...

Welcome back! I've definitely also had the experience of "checking out" of my own life for periods of time . . . kudos to you for recognizing it and "checking back in" quickly.

fatfighter said...

That first step is a big move - glad you're back. ;)

megan said...

I check your blog every day and I was JUST about to give up hope of hearing from you again. Welcome back, can't wait to hear how it all goes!