Momentum

I think I may finally be headed under the 380’s for good. I didn’t weigh myself in the last few days, but the last time I weighed myself I was at 379.something. It is that time of the month, we’ll see what the scale says tomorrow.

I have been crazy busy the last few days working. I’ve mentioned before that I work a FT job and a part time job and I recently have started getting some freelance writing work which has kept me pretty busy the last week or so. I’m pretty excited about the work actually although most of what I’m doing is working for content mills, but I actually got a job doing some real writing on a topic that I’m fairly familiar with and it pays fairly well. I just turned in my first 5 articles so we’ll see if they think I’m good enough to give anymore work to. Either way, I’m grateful for the work as we are feeling the pinch financially (from being off a month after the surgery), but honestly..it isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I’ve managed to get enough work done on these new jobs that I think it will help us catch up. It just means that I have even less time to do stuff in my “spare time”…whatever that is lol!

One thing I am NOT doing is letting all the work interfere with my working out. I use my lunch hour to get at least a 20 minute walk on the treadmill in and if I can manage to get the car from Erik (I have to drive him to work and pick him up at midnight when he gets off), Tanner and I go to the gym or the pool at the YMCA and get another workout in.

I wanted to mention that recently I’ve had some challenges…just slight cravings or having something in the house that I wouldn’t mind a little bit of. We’ve had this bottle of regular pepsi in our fridge since we had some friends over for Pizza a few weeks ago and the other day, I wanted a taste of it so bad! I was a coke fiend in my former life (I’m referring to the soda of course) and I haven’t had any since before the surgery. We really aren’t supposed to drink carbonated beverages at all because the gas could cause stretching of our stomach and probably make us fairly uncomfortable overall. Anyway, in addition to the soda, erik ran and got breakfast for himself and Tanner the other day (from the Mexican place I practically own stock in) and he grabbed me this breakfast plate I got occasionally. It comes with this ridiculously large amount of scrambled eggs that has salsa and cheese and bits of bacon I think (all ok on my diet by the way), a side of refried beans, and another large side of the BEST potatoes/hashbrowns. I think it also comes with two tortillas….seriously this could probably feed at least three people comfortably. I can’t believe I used to polish off the whole thing almost by myself.

Anyway, Erik must have kept the tortillas, but the potatoes were still there. The whole time I’m eating I’m looking at the potatoes thinking….a nibble won’t hurt. They haven’t said that I CAN’T have carbs, I just need to track them and keep them under a certain number. However, one of the main rules is protein first so I ate 4-5 bites of the eggs and a few spoonfuls of the beans and by the time I was done, I really didn’t see a point in tasting the potatoes. I realized I was full and just packed it back up and put it into the fridge for later. There was so much food left over, I probably could have lived off that one meal (not including the potatoes) for at least 4 more meals…I’m not kidding. I had a little more of the egg before we headed to the pool just to make sure I had some protein on my stomach and then Tanner finished it off for breakfast the next morning. If you are wondering what happened to the pepsi, it is still in our fridge. I haven’t had that either. I think I’ve just decided that watching the scale drop each day (even in minute increments) is SO much more fun than giving in to those cravings. I know that some day, I’ll be able to have those things in moderation so what’s the hurry? At some point, if I do give in to a craving, I’m making sure it goes in my sparkpeople account so that I know exactly what it cost me for the day. Since the surgery, I’ve diligently kept my food log there and it really has been invaluable to me for keeping my eye on the prize.

I guess I’m “confessing” this because I want anyone who reads this to know that bariatric surgery is most definitely NOT the magic pill. You still have to deal with head hunger and all the other hang-ups you had about food pre-surgery. While the VSG has helped me feel like a normal person for the first time in my life (eating more to FUEL my body rather than to FILL some empty place inside myself), I still have to exercise will power each and every day to eat the things I know my body needs, not what it thinks it wants. I have to make myself get on that treadmill or out to the pool every day. It may be easier, but it definitely isn’t easy. Would I be where I am today without the surgery though? I doubt it. I feel like this behemoth of a rock that was poised at the top of a very long hill just ready to start my descent, but nothing seemed to be able to nudge me in the right direction. That is what the VSG did…it gave me the nudge and initial momentum I needed to start my descent down the hill. Now I just have to keep the momentum going and guess what? For the first time in my life I KNOW that I will do this!