This morning I am down to 333, but I was super bad about getting my liquids in yesterday so I’m probably a bit dehydrated. I’m going to work hard to drink more today and try to get my protein in…that is another thing I’ve been kind of lax on. I’ve just been super stressed about money and trying to grab a few shifts at my second job on top of the 10 I do there every week. This means that I often work my day job, get off when Tanner gets home, spend some time with him, make dinner, eat dinner and then do a few hours at my second job, go to sleep for a few hours, then get up to work a few more, go to sleep, then get up to work my day job and it just starts over again. I’m grateful to have a job (or three) to try to make up for the unpaid time I had in the hospital, but it seems to have become “the excuse” I use to NOT go walking with Tanner when he gets home. By the time I’m done with my first job, I’m just so worn out and knowing that I’m going to have to work several shifts later on just wears me out thinking about it. It reminds me of when I started working the graveyard shift and just never felt rested…which is really what almost signed my death warrant to begin with if you’ll remember.
I also haven’t had much of an appetite lately. I think I’m just bored with what I can eat and since I’ve been in the hospital and recovering at home, I haven’t felt much like experimenting in the kitchen. The guys are deviled egged out at the moment; I used to always have them on hand because they were such an easy thing to grab when I needed a little protein. I decided to make egg salad this weekend instead, and although they are eating it, I don’t think they are big fans. I’m going to make chili tonight, but I anticipate some grumbling from Tanner, but oh well.
Tanner weighed himself last night and he was up 6 lbs. which disappointed him, but I reminded him that when I was in the hospital, he and dad ate out a lot (supposedly out of stress, but I think it was more a good excuse to go off the diet really). I won’t lie, this annoyed me, mainly because I had told Erik that they couldn’t spend money (eating out) while I was in the hospital because we were going to be so strapped; the 6 lbs Tanner gained was just another negative consequence. To be fair, the several pieces of buttermilk pie he ate over the weekend probably didn’t help matters either (I made this to take over to my SIL’s house on Thanksgiving, but of course we never made it there).
So, because of our current financial situation, we are going to have to stick to the budget low carb lifestyle which means lots of eggs, bacon and other low cost protein sources like tuna, etc. We will be fine though I’m sure the guys are going to whine about it until my ears bleed. Hey, at least we are going to HAVE food to eat, a roof over our head, etc. Yeah, things are going to be tight which sucks right around Christmas, but again…things could be so much worse!
Once, when I was feeling particularly sorry for myself because everything that could go wrong seemed to be going wrong, I asked a friend how to break myself out of my funk. She answered simply “Count your Blessings.” My gut reaction at first was “WHAT BLESSINGS? Did you not hear that my entire life is in the crapper at the moment?” But then a few minutes later, I began to think about it and as I started to list out my blessings, I realized that I still had many things in my life that WEREN’T in the crapper. After just a few minutes, I had a handful of pretty wonderful things to focus on and guess what? Instant attitude adjustment. So now, when I start to get overwhelmed by things that are less than perfect, I make myself list my blessings and it usually gives me the swift kick in the tuckas I need :)
Things I’m currently grateful for:
1. Weighing 333 lbs instead of 465 lbs.
2. Not being in the hospital and apparently on the road to Wellsville.
3. The fact that both Erik and I have multiple income sources while many people are struggling to find ONE job.
4. Tanner is doing very good at school and while he drives us insane periodically obsessing about buying a new gaming system or games in general, overall, he is doing an AWESOME job controlling his frustration and growing into the young man I always hoped he’d be.
5. My family, although they live WAY too far from us for my liking.
6. I’m thankful to have Erik in my life because, although our relationship is far from traditional, he is still the best friend I ever had and I know that, no matter what, he will always be there for Tanner and I.
7. I’m thankful that I can now wash dishes and spit shine the kitchen without ever needing to take a seat mid-way.
I’m sure there are many other things I’m grateful for, but those are just off the top of my head! See…already feeling much better when before I was internally whining about how tired I was. Ok, so maybe the coffee I consumed while writing this post helped to alleviate the fatigue a bit, but this exercise helped with the mental fatigue ;) I hope you all have a great day and find many things to be thankful for!!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Posted by My Big Fat Super Super Obese Blog at 8:59 AM