Checking in :) I'm still alive and haven't been back to the hospital!!

I apologize for not updating my blog this past week. By Monday, I was deeply depressed. I still wasn't 100% and my arm was killing me and didn't seem to be getting any better and I was just really down that I wasn't able to go to Indiana to see my family. I had a horrible dream about my mom Sunday night so when I woke up, it all just hit me and I actually had a 5 minute crying jag where I felt super sorry for myself. I thought about getting on and blogging about it, but I just didn't want to allow myself to "wallow" in how I was feeling if that makes any sense.

As the week went by, I started feeling better both physically and mentally and was looking forward to going to my SIL's house for Thanksgiving. I even made buttermilk pie to take over (no, it wasn't low carb) and then spent most of the night "hemorrhaging" (my gynecological issues) which meant we had to cancel that outing :( I just didn't want to risk having a problem while over at her house and honestly, I was exhausted as I had been up all night in and out of the bathroom. The good news is that the last two periods, while having their heavy moments, seem to be lasting about 5-7 days and then resolving the way they are supposed to. I'm hoping the hemorrhaging I experienced was somewhat due to the lovenox I'd been on in the hospital and had continued at home trying to resolve the issues from my IVs. Since I've had to discontinue the birth control pills, it would be nice if my gyno issues would normalize as I don't want my next trip to the hospital to be to have a hysterectomy :S

We hadn't planned on having Thanksgiving at home so Erik ran to the store and bought some fried chicken and french fries and we threw that in the oven lol. I had a few fries and a few bites of chicken and even had some pie later and did fine. I didn't gain any weight and this morning I'm back down to 335 (I had gotten back up to 347 while in the hospital...all that darn fluid!).

Now, I'm feeling much better and seem to be on the mend. Just keep your fingers crossed for me that I don't have a relapse with the vasculitis! Right now, we are just struggling with how we are going to get our bills paid this month after several weeks (both of us) that we were out of work without pay while in the hospital. I'm sure we will be fine, but it just sucks that this is all happening around the holidays.

Tanner seems to understand that we won't be able to buy him anything this year and honestly, he's kind of been annoying the heck out of us as far as money goes...just not really understanding that we can't go to the movies, rent video games, etc right now so maybe this is a good lesson for him. I'm even thinking about trying to work on some volunteer projects or something where we help deliver gifts to other needy families so that he can see that there are many other people in our city who have it much worse than we do. IDK, but this kiddo definitely needs a reality check when it comes to finances...our fault though for spoiling him a bit when he was younger.

One good thing is that he seems to really understand when I share stories about my own childhood with him. I never really wanted for anything because whatever my mom couldn't provide, my grandparents made sure I had, but I grew up watching my mom work several jobs and still struggle to pay bills. I've told Tanner that when I started working at 16, I would actually turn my paychecks over to my mom because it made me feel better knowing that I was helping to alleviate some of the stress she was under and that I would much rather give her the money than go and spend it on something frivolous and watch her continue to struggle financially. A few years ago, none of this would penetrate as far as Tanner was concerned. He just wouldn't generalize this story to his own experience, but I could actually see him comparing situations and later, he brought me $6 of his allowance to "help" us pay rent bless his heart. I told him to keep it, but to try and keep in mind how hard dad and I were working and how stressed we were this month and to try to give us a break. For the most part, he's been better about it, but we still have a few moments here and there where he gets upset about not being able to do something that costs money.

Anyway, all things considered, things are looking up. I hope to be blogging a lot more this month, but this past week, with the illness, not being able to go on the trip, thanksgiving kind of being a bust and then the anniversary of my mom's death (jan 28th) I just kind of decided to give myself a break and get through it all. I'm sorry to have worried some of you! Thanks for checking in on me, it makes me feel good and thankful to have your support :)

My goals for this month are to get back to walking regularly, continue to track my food each day and STAY OUT OF THE DARN HOSPITAL!! What goals are you setting for yourself this month?