Try, try again....

I'm kind of *whispering* this because I don't want to proclaim something only to crash and burn tomorrow, but today I actually felt pretty darn good. I was able to focus on work and actually get something done. Erik and I also had a conversation about his concerns about his weight and how he's been struggling with staying motivated to do anything about it just as I have. We have come up with a plan of sorts that I'll probably go into more tomorrow.

I wanted to thank every single one of you who offered your support. As I blog more, you will probably see me do this. Again, I don't necessarily think I'm bipolar or anything quite that severe. I have legitimate crap in my life that gets me down; sometimes, I withdraw a bit just to conserve myself and keep from getting completely overwhelmed. I cut back in areas where I can so that I can be there for my son. If I'm worrying about all the things I think I *have* to do, then I find that the really important stuff starts to suffer. Reading your comments helped so much. This truly is an amazing community to be part of and I know that having this outlet and you guys for support is what is keeping me coming back again and again rather than giving up completely. In the past, an episode like this would probably be enough to derail me for a good 4-6 months. Not that I would have spent that much time depressed, but the depression would have knocked me off my efforts to diet and lose weight and I wouldn't revisit them again for another 4-6 months. Of course by then, I would be slightly heavier than I was the last time I started and just *that* much further behind.

The accountability of this blog keeps me focused. I know its frustrating for those that care about me (friends and family mostly) to see me experience some success and then fail again. It must be very much like having an alcoholic in the family go several weeks without drinking and then coming home to find them on their sixth beer. I hate knowing this is the effect I have on those I love when I fall off the wagon, but I AM committed to making a change, I WILL get there.

PS. I'm also going to try my hardest to get a picture here in the next day or two. The stars have to align just right apparently for me to get my hair AND makeup done when they both look good. Lately, I've had days where my hair looks fabulous but my makeup looks like crap and other days where my hair looks like crap and ....well lets face it, if my hair looks like crap, I probably don't even bother with makeup. As soon as I have both looking good, I'll take a pic lol. In the meantime, I'll see if shannon can send me the lovely one she took of me in foils :)

In closing, I will leave you with this quote that helped me put my stumblings into perspective:

"Keep on going, and the chances are that you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I never heard of anyone ever stumbling on something sitting down." ~Charles F. Kettering

I got where I was a few months ago by sitting on my butt for too long. I'm stumbling a bit right now, but thats because I KEEP ON MOVING. I'm going to try to cut myself some slack and embrace the fact that I'm still thinner and much better off than I was before I started this journey.

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