Feeling much better today. Yesterday sucked big time though. Trust me, you didn’t want to be anywhere around me because I was liable to break out in tears OR bite your head off depending on what mood you found me in. I know a majority of the craziness right now is hormones, but I have a few other things on my mind too so even without the hormones I’d probably still be kind of in a funk.
Mother’s day is always bittersweet for me. I enjoy celebrating with Tanner, but I also find that I miss my mother and grandmother so much around this time of year. Yesterday I went to get my nails done and there was a mother and daughter getting a pedicure behind me. It wasn’t difficult to overhear their conversation and they were preparing for a weekend trip down to the coast going on and on about how excited they were and how they were leaving right after the pedicure; that it was important that they have matching toes for their mother/daughter weekend, etc. Of course I got to thinking about when I was younger and would accompany my mom and grandmother to the salon and sit there listening to the adult conversation while they got their nails done. I tried and tried to not lose my composure, but…hormones I guess. My poor manicurist looked at me and said “You cry? Why you cry? I hurt you?” lol. I just explained that listening to the women behind me made me miss my mom and grandma .
Anyway, and yes…I’m single again and for good this time. I’m not going into it at length, but ultimately as I’ve pointed out before, I am just not ready for a relationship right now for a myriad of reasons. My post yesterday proves that. If all it takes is a breakup to send me into a tailspin reminiscent of my bulimia years…I have some other work to do on me before I try being a “we.”
As far as Greg goes, things have just been weird since we got back together after our last breakup. I think I was trying too hard to “reassure” him that I was all in this time and it spooked him, but honestly…I think it was inevitable regardless. I did develop some feelings for him, but even now, I’m not completely sure what they were. I think he probably felt similarly. I just think we would have been much better off keeping things friendly, but oh well.
I won’t be actively looking for a replacement either. I’m still going to get out and enjoy myself and if I happen upon a nice guy, then great, but I’m definitely guarding my heart even harder the next time around. I don’t think I’ll revisit the online dating thing again either. Just not for me.
By the way, the picture above was taken tonight at dinner with Erik and Tanner. Erik surprised me with dinner at a Pericos which was nice. It isn’t too far from where we live and we had always wanted to go. We had a good time. I tried their skinny girl margarita and I swear, I think it was skinny on the tequila because it tasted like water. The food was AWESOME though. Of course, I was only able to eat a little bit of an enchilada, a few chips and a spoonful each of rice and beans. LOVE the sleeve :)
I hope all the moms out there have a wonderful day tomorrow!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Posted by My Big Fat Super Super Obese Blog at 8:17 PM