I know you guys are probably as sick of hearing me talk about my love life or lack of one now as I am of talking about it. I wanted to address something though because I have had people in my life weighing in on whether or not they think I ought to “put myself back out there” as far as dating goes.

In the past couple of days, I’ve hidden and unhidden my profile at a few dating sites as I went back and forth between thinking maybe I shouldn’t give up on dating…"you can’t expect to get any better at it if you take a sabbatical" seems to be the consensus of people in the “you should continue dating” camp. So, I unhide my profile, start looking at a few profiles, have a few guys contact me, etc and in the middle of it all..all I can think is “what am I doing?” My heart just isn’t in it. I’m not the least bit interested meeting someone new right now. It felt like a chore to sign in, sift through profile after profile or make small talk with some random guy that ultimately gets around to wanting to hook up vs. really get to know me. I found myself literally feeling almost physically ill after about half an hour of it this evening.

So, I don’t know. Maybe the whole “I’m not dating for the next year” was a bit of an overreaction, maybe it wasn’t. All I know is that right now is not the right time. I don’t know if that will change anytime soon, but right now I’m just not interested and for once, I’m just going to go with my gut.

You guys will be happy to know that, despite being in my lowest funk since my surgery, I’m continuing to exercise and get out of the house. I’ve managed to get a walk in (at least one, but often two) at least every day and I’ve done the water aerobics twice this week. I’m really enjoying the walk in the morning. Shannon has been coming to walk with me at 6am and we do a mile around the neighborhood. I think it is a longer walk than what we walk at the park, but the walk at the park is a bit more strenuous as we are walking up slopes, etc. I just know I work a lot harder when we are on the trails at the park.

I’m still kind of maintaining. I got under 300, but now I’m back at 301. I’m not worrying about it too much. It could just be water retention, building muscle or something. I’ve been watching what I eat and while I have actually had a glass of wine a few nights this week, it was just the one glass and it wasn’t every night. All in all, I’m not doing anything that would really make me gain actual weight so I’m just going to assume it is just my body being weird.

Wednesday night I went out to a meetup happy hour which was nice. Made new friends and had a really great conversation with a few people in particular. There was this adorable guy there (adorable in the sense I want to fix him up with someone, not me…he was a youngun’) named Joe that was really nice to chat with. This particular group is just a really nice group of people usually, but the FIRST thing the leader of the group asked when I got there was “Where’s your husband?” lol…Greg attended the last one with me. I just smiled and explained that he had been my bf, not my husband and that we were no longer together. It would have been SO much fun to say “Oh no, that was my boyfriend, my husband is at home with my son!”
Speaking of husband…Erik and I are going downtown to finally get the paperwork to finalize our divorce. I want to get it filed asap. Once it is filed, it will be finalized in 60 days so by the end of the summer I could be a free woman. I’ll still be living with Erik unfortunately, but we are making progress. As far as that last statement…I don’t mean it in a bad way…I’m just really ready to truly start splitting our lives apart…I just feel guilty when I think about breaking up Tanner’s household when we aren’t really having a problem living together. Oh well, that is a decision for another day. Divorce first.

Going to an outdoor concert tonight with Tanner and a meetup group and tomorrow I will be in Austin attending a Zoe Keating concert with a fellow str8 spouse. I’m looking forward to it, I love Austin! I just wish I didn’t have to work the next morning :S That is going to be fun!