My Progress!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Ok, I'll say it for you: QUITCHER BITCHEN!!!

Ok, maybe you guys wouldn't be quite so harsh, but geez...even I'm tired of hearing me drone on and on and on about the same old crap and not DOING anything about it.

I’m having one of those days where I’m tired of it all. Tired of being so limited in my mobility, tired of still being 440 lbs or thereabouts. Tired of my life being the same old routine of work, cook dinner, watch a bit of tv, go to sleep only to rinse and repeat the next day. I’m sick to death of it ya’ll. Most of all, I am sick to damn death of hearing me WHINE about it, knowing that this is all something well within MY reach to rectify. I put myself in this predicament and I am the only damn person that can get myself out of it.

I’ve decided that I’m going to see if I can get some junk vehicle that will work well enough to at least get me to the gym and back at a decent hour. Since we only have one car and Erik is working two jobs OUT of the home, I never really get the car which is frustrating. If I want to work out, I have to wake up at 5am which I’m ok to do, but I’m working three jobs at the moment so I have my day job and then when tanner goes to bed, I usually work at least another 2-4 hours before bedtime at midnight…isn’t entirely conducive to a 5am gym call.

Another reason I want another vehicle is because summer is coming and I really want to start taking tanner WITH me to the gym. The pool will be opening up soon and that was always something we could do together at the YMCA, but again…we need a vehicle to get there.

For now, I’m going to keep doing what I CAN do at home (my back exercises, weights, working my way up on the treadmill) and trying to sort out the car situation. I’m also going to start tightening the belt on my food consumption. I’ve not done horrible, but I could do a lot better and the fact that I’m not losing any weight (not gaining any either) speaks to that fact.

The BIG question is…how am I going to remember how I feel right NOW when I encounter another setback (because, lets face it…we know SOMETHING is going to sideline me at some point…there is always something). I’m really tired of allowing myself to be sidelined by various things. So what…I’m depressed. I’d rather be skinny and depressed than fat and depressed lol. So I’m stretched financially…I’d rather be skinny and poor than fat and poor. I just can’t seem to find the WILL to persevere in my weight loss and exercise goals when I’m down about some other aspect of my life (tanner, finances, erik, etc.) Any tips for how to stay focused?

PS. back feeling much better today (shhhhh don't repeat that out loud, it'll probably jinx me)


Anonymous said...

It's tough, isn't it. You KNOW people are thinking it, even if everyone is too polite to say it out loud. And it's not like you don't know that you can do something to change it. You know that every little tiny step you take in the right direction is huge in the big picture.

You will get there. One step, bitch, whine at a time, but you will. That's why I'm still following your blog. Because I want to say "I knew her when...".

cmoursler said...

Don't drive to a gym...said the gym
look, when you are starting are right..any little thing WILL set you back

You need a SIMPLE plan.
It will be enough for now.
Your 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes at night
Just slowly increase it...
Do that for one week..
7 minutes the next
10 minutes the next
12 the next 15 following and so on...
Cap your calories at 2000 a day.
You will lose on that...
at 440 there is no way you won't.
or even 2200....maybe give yourself a range.
But keep that top number like an iron curtain. Don't go above it.
That is all.
Just do it for three months and see what happens.
What can it hurt.
Incorporate your favorite foods...and walk.
It's simple as heck.
It's how I lost my first 40 lbs.
sometimes complexity is our excuse to never try...
so keep it simple
YOu can do this.

mandatorybloghere said...

You seem to thrive during emergency I would say your present weight and health was an emergency Perhaps if you wrap your mind around that

My Big Fat Super Super Obese Blog said...

Thanks Guys, you each gave me a nugget of information that helped me get focused today.

GASH:lol, I obviously abbreviated the title of your blog, but it makes for a not so pretty abbreviation, oops! Thanks for the support. I look back at the body of this blog and all I see is a bunch of moaning and complaining with some rather sparse success here and there. Makes me wonder why anyone follows me at all.

chris: you are so right, I start out trying to keep things simple but end up overwhelming myself with complexity which usually sidetracks me. I'm going to do what you on keeping my calories under 2000 and walk a few times a day and just gradually try to build on that. I guess I was focusing on the gym because the pool is there which allows me to get more of a workout in, but for now....I can be successful doing what I can and building on that.

MBH: you are right...I have this ability to kick into overdrive when in an "emergency." It helped me perform well under stress when I was in a very competitive college program and it also helped me get done what needed to get done during the crazier times of my life (tanner's illness, my mother's illness, etc). My weight IS a huge emergency and this last bout of back trouble brought that home to me...but so did the last knee problems I had over a year ago and while it spurred me on for a few weeks, I eventually lost steam and got complacent. I need to move beyond allowing myself to get complacent about this very REAL emergency in my life. I think I'm going to come back and read these comments when I start to feel myself getting apathetic about the whole thing. thanks.

He Took MY Last Name said...

I always focus on my own mortality. I dont want to be so big that I can't enjoy my life. I dont want to die at an early age. I don't want high blood pressure at age 22. I want to be able to have kids... maybe... someday... and be able to do things with them. Don't you want to see Tanner graduate? Go to college? Get married? Don't you want to be able to be able to enjoy all those things, being in the pictures instead of behind the camera?

Stop your excuses and get your ass moving, is what I always say to myself. The only one holding me back is me. Quit being an enabler and start taking control of your life.

Anonymous said...

I think sometimes we just get really overwhelmed at all the changes we think are necessary to lose. I agree that cutting your calories and walking even a few minutes a day will be enough for you at first. I am wondering whether you could even go higher than 2000 calories to start with?

Controlling my food and exercise is sometimes the only thing in my life I can control.