Today was a very stressful day. I had tons of work to get done, at least three things that HAD to get done before the end of my shift and I kept getting calls. Then my boss lectured me for 20 minutes because I had forgotten to change my status when I went to lunch. I have some brain block where this is concerned. I've improved tremendously, but of course I ONLY hear from him when I screw up and then its as if I haven't done anything to improve so I was seething by the end of the conversation.
Then, there was a huge screw up that was the bank's fault. I had a check from my ex that I needed to use to pay our rent and they deposited it back into his account??? Then the guy acted as if he couldn't say that their guy made a mistake, he wasn't there. Yeah, doesn't every one write a check from their account and then deposit it back into their account, for why?
Anyway, by the time I got done, I took a nap. I wasn't really tired, but I just wanted to veg I suppose. Then I wake up to the most delicious smell. It was dinner time and while we had a very healthy spaghetti made with ground turkey, what I smelled was something delicious of the baking in the oven sort. Erik had made this peach crisp recipe. We have called it peach cripps for a long time....Erik mispronounced it one day, we laughed our butts off and the name stuck. Basically, you empty a can of peaches into a baking dish,sprinkle white cake mix over the top, put a few dabs of butter, sprinkle sugar and cinnamon on top...OMG so good.
This also brings back memories of my grandmother. She looked nothing like the grandmother in the picture above. She was a young granny. She was about 17 when she had my mom and my mom was 17 when she had me so when I was born, she was still in her 30's. She worked and my grandfather stayed home and did all the cooking, cleaning, tucking me in on sick days, etc. She cooked occasionally, but was never much of a baker. This peach crisp recipe was the one special thing I remember as her special treat. Nobody else made it so eating it always takes me back to grandma's house. I remember watching her make it and sitting with her to wait until it was done while the housed filled with this delicious aroma of peaches and sweet sugary goodness. I especially remember sitting down at the table with her, both of us with our bowls in front of us, just a scoop of ice cream melting on top and watching her dig into it with a twinkle in her eye as we shared that special moment. I was gone as soon as I smelled it in the oven. I experienced an overwhelming feeling of calm; the way I used to feel when walking through the doors of their house as if nothing in the world could go wrong there. *sigh* It felt like just what I needed in my moment of weakness.
I had some and I can't even tell you that I feel horrible about it now. Part of me is a little worried that I'm not worried about it. This was an outright cheat, no prior planning, I impulsively said "Yes" when Erik asked me if I wanted some, and devoured it with a vengeance. I don't feel like I'm on a downhill slide...like it might lead to more...maybe that's why I don't feel bad? I don't know, I can't even think of anything I might have done INSTEAD of giving in. How do you cope with stress IN THE MOMENT? What makes you say NO instead of YES?
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