My Progress!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Fighting cheats when you have STRONG emotional attachments to food.


Today was a very stressful day. I had tons of work to get done, at least three things that HAD to get done before the end of my shift and I kept getting calls. Then my boss lectured me for 20 minutes because I had forgotten to change my status when I went to lunch. I have some brain block where this is concerned. I've improved tremendously, but of course I ONLY hear from him when I screw up and then its as if I haven't done anything to improve so I was seething by the end of the conversation.

Then, there was a huge screw up that was the bank's fault. I had a check from my ex that I needed to use to pay our rent and they deposited it back into his account??? Then the guy acted as if he couldn't say that their guy made a mistake, he wasn't there. Yeah, doesn't every one write a check from their account and then deposit it back into their account, for why?

Anyway, by the time I got done, I took a nap. I wasn't really tired, but I just wanted to veg I suppose. Then I wake up to the most delicious smell. It was dinner time and while we had a very healthy spaghetti made with ground turkey, what I smelled was something delicious of the baking in the oven sort. Erik had made this peach crisp recipe. We have called it peach cripps for a long time....Erik mispronounced it one day, we laughed our butts off and the name stuck. Basically, you empty a can of peaches into a baking dish,sprinkle white cake mix over the top, put a few dabs of butter, sprinkle sugar and cinnamon on top...OMG so good.

This also brings back memories of my grandmother. She looked nothing like the grandmother in the picture above. She was a young granny. She was about 17 when she had my mom and my mom was 17 when she had me so when I was born, she was still in her 30's. She worked and my grandfather stayed home and did all the cooking, cleaning, tucking me in on sick days, etc. She cooked occasionally, but was never much of a baker. This peach crisp recipe was the one special thing I remember as her special treat. Nobody else made it so eating it always takes me back to grandma's house. I remember watching her make it and sitting with her to wait until it was done while the housed filled with this delicious aroma of peaches and sweet sugary goodness. I especially remember sitting down at the table with her, both of us with our bowls in front of us, just a scoop of ice cream melting on top and watching her dig into it with a twinkle in her eye as we shared that special moment. I was gone as soon as I smelled it in the oven. I experienced an overwhelming feeling of calm; the way I used to feel when walking through the doors of their house as if nothing in the world could go wrong there. *sigh* It felt like just what I needed in my moment of weakness.

I had some and I can't even tell you that I feel horrible about it now. Part of me is a little worried that I'm not worried about it. This was an outright cheat, no prior planning, I impulsively said "Yes" when Erik asked me if I wanted some, and devoured it with a vengeance. I don't feel like I'm on a downhill slide...like it might lead to more...maybe that's why I don't feel bad? I don't know, I can't even think of anything I might have done INSTEAD of giving in. How do you cope with stress IN THE MOMENT? What makes you say NO instead of YES?

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5 Comments:

Laryssa said...

Someone at Nutrisystem once told me: "The reason thin people are thin is because when they eat something high in fat and calories, they enjoy it, and afterwards they eat healthy again". Our problem is that society has made us believe that we can't even have 1 cheat because we're fat and don't know how to stop. Obviously, this is not true, because you had your wonderful peach crisp, enjoyed it, and moved on.

Here's to making your next meal healthy!

Super Squared said...

aww, thanks Laryssa. I'm hoping that's why I don't feel guilty about it. I did want more, but was able to resist temptation for a second time with very little trouble.

Lori said...

You just practice using your "no" muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. You won't succeed all the time, and that's okay. But if you stay on plan 80-90% of the time you'll be okay.

Enjoy the off plan foods, they aren't worth it if you feel guilt about them.

attrice said...

What Laryssa said. While I definitely have 'trigger' foods that I don't have around all the time, for the most part I allow myself to have at least a little bit of what I'm craving. I just make sure to focus on healthy, lighter foods afterwards.

I think having a more relaxed attitude also keeps me from that sort of mindless eating of large amounts of these foods that I used to do.

Ria said...

When I start thinking of eating something that isn't on my plan, I either (1) try to get involved in doing something else - ideally something completely inconsistent with eating or (2) eat something else that is similar, but that fits better on my plan. So for (1)I might take a walk, do the dishes or clean something else in my apartment, do my nails or get in the shower . . . usually, by the time I'm done with that activity, I can be more rational in my decision-making about whether or not to eat. For (2), I might eat a sliced fresh peach sprinkled with cinnamon.

I've gotta say, though, I'm not sure either (1) or (2) would work for me if I were faced with fresh-baked peach crisp . . . best case scenario might be Laryssa's eat it, enjoy it and move on!